things they don't tell you about finding a man of God

Hey homegirls, I'm baaaack.

I wanna first off apologise for not posting this last week - I got back from Portugal early hours of Saturday morning and I was EXHAUSTED. Not to mention, my week was busy in general but I'll fill you in more next week.

So here is the episode I meant to upload last week - we'll be back on track from now 💕

But onto the episode...

There's so much talk about finding a man of God - but not a lot of practical discussion. I've learned a lot, made mistakes and thankfully ended up in a loving relationship with my boyfriend, Nas. 

In this episode, I go into...

• Qualities that make a godly man and it’s MORE than just sharing the same faith
• Navigating the challenges of submission, patience, and communication as a woman
• Why it’s important to look for a man who’s committed to spiritual growth and emotional availability

I also touch on some personal reflections, like what it means to find someone who respects your purity and supports your spiritual walk. 

Spoiler: it is NOT easy.

This episode is all about breaking down the myths and highlighting the real qualities to look for in a godly partner. 

If you’re on the same journey, I hope this helps guide you along the way <3

Transcript

0:09

Hey, homegirls. I am back four weeks in a row. Can you believe it? God is good. God's grace endures forever. God's love, God's faithfulness, and patience over me in particular is insane. And I'm really grateful that he has stayed with me and loved me through it all. Because your girl, she went, she went astray, but she's back. She's back on the hustle. I've been consistent on TikTok, and I've been consistent on podcasts. We're getting there, guys. We're getting there. But I'm not going to lean on my own strength. I'm going to give it all over to God. But I'm so excited to be back with you guys. And I am just excited in general, because tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I go to Portugal on a last holiday. Last bit of sun before autumn and winter is officially here. I cannot wait, to be honest, UK isn't really letting. Letting me down right now because the weather has been okay, but I just need a change in atmosphere. I need a change in, like, structure, schedule, getting away from work for a while, I think it's gonna be so nice. And I actually did TikTok just now before I press record on this, talking about how I. So I went out with my mum just to get some little bits at the shops just ahead of the holiday, and I came home and I was like, oh, I wonder where my acne medication is gonna get here. Looked. It's been delayed. I also ordered the wrong dose because I keep getting a smaller one, and then I run out within, like, less than two weeks, this topical one. So it's absolutely tiny. And, like, by the time you've used it on your face a few times, like, you're literally squeezing the bottle. And I ordered the wrong one again, and I'd spent, like, ten pounds on it, and I was like, this is ridiculous, and it's not even gonna come, it's delayed. I was panicking and I was like, well, if it comes, I still want to take it back and return it because it's not even, like, the one that I wanted. But if it came, I have no choice but to use it. But I was, like, freaking out. I'm gonna break out. My skin has been, like, really good recently as well. I've had, like, hormonal acne for absolute years. And this is, like, one of the first times in my life where I've had okay skin. And everyone knows, like, when you go away, when you've got an event, whatever, it may be that, like, requires you to look good. The last thing you want is to break out. And, like, for me, like, that is, like, my number one thing. Like, I could forget all makeup. I could, like, have mediocre outfits. But if, like, I. If I've got painful spots on my face, like, it just ruins my mood. Like, anyone that's got acne will understand. And obviously, like, you find ways to love yourself despite the skin problems. And I've had to learn, like, if I break out, it's fine. Like, it doesn't depict my worth. It doesn't depict how pretty I am, how much Naz is gonna fancy me. Like, you know, let's not overdo it like that. But anyone that's had, like, consistent acne over the years, like, just knows, like, the pain of it. Like, it hurts, and you. You feel it on your face, and then you just feel itchy, or maybe it's a bit sore, or then, like, if it pops, it hurts and it bleeds, and it. It's just so long, and then it get, like, gets red and you can't cover it up, and it's just, like, so I was freaking out. I was like, if I, like, ruin the consistency of putting it on my face twice a day, like, I meant to, I'll just break out. So I called my boyfriend because I knew he said he was going to Tesco. And I was like, oh, I wonder if he, like, will pass a pharmacy. And I was like, babe, are you out right now? He was like, I'm about to go out. Why? Like, you okay? And I was like, I need this stuff. Like, I explained it. I sent him a picture. I was like, if you, like, see it, that would literally make my day. And he was like, yeah, I'll find it. He's like, I'll get it. I'll go to boots or, like, tesco or whatever pharmacy. And, like, it's something so small that I think, like, can be overlooked when a partner does good, because, like, one thing I see on TikTok, which is so true, and, like, as you see by the title, we're going to be talking about godly men in today's episode, but people will be, like, talking about their boyfriend or their husband and me, and, like, he did XYz. Like, I'm so grateful. People in the comments will be like, oh, my gosh. You're praising him for doing the bare minimum. Yay. And it's like, yes, it's the bare minimum. Like, as in, like, this is what a man should ideally be like, but even then, is it bare minimum? Because a lot of you lot are accepting way less than that. And I think it's like, we don't have the ability to look out for the right men, but yet when someone celebrates their man for doing something, it's like, oh, you're celebrating the bare minimum. It's like, unless you have a really happy relationship where someone loves you and treats you right, don't be telling me bare minimum, because I will take any good thing and be grateful to God for any good thing that my boyfriend gives me. And it just made me feel really grateful. Like, as I was thinking about just the fact that he won't just do things, it's not like he'll just like, yeah, babe, like, I'll get it for you. He, like, does it with joy and, like, wanting to help us. Like, even when he comes down to, like, my family and visits us, my mum, obviously, we don't have a car. And my mum will, like, need shopping, and he will go shopping to get my mum, like, milk and water and, like, just sucking up on the things that we're running out of. And it's just so amazing. Like, I could just brush it off and be like, yeah, he'll do that, whatever. But, like, we're always so grateful that, like, Naz will help. Naz does care. It's just part of his personality to just be a kind person. And, like, we should not overlook that. But I think we do. But then this generation of girls and women is very much girl power. Feminists. Yay. We love women and we hate men, but somehow still can't choose the right menta. And I left a silence there on purpose because what's that about? We're talking about girl power, and, like, you know, don't take shit from a man, but then you take a whole load of shit from your man, and he's treating you how he shouldn't be treating you. And this is in particular for women of God. Why are you settling for a man who cannot love you like Christ loved the church? Why? But so say you're a strong, independent woman. So say you're a woman who does not take nonsense from a guy. And then I want to touch on the strong, independent woman part as well, just quickly, before we go into all of this. Strong, independent woman into my man breaks my heart, and then I'm just, like, back to square one. And I can't even, like, think about living without him. And I'm not judging, because I've been there. And I think partly we need to develop ourselves outside of what we can define ourselves by and who God defines us by. It's not about me calling myself a strong, independent woman, and somehow I'll be a strong, independent woman. It's about submitting myself to Christ, to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. So my faith and my strength and my might is on the almighty power of God and not on myself, because I let myself down. And times are tough. And if you want to, like, listen more about that, I literally did a podcast last week about self love. Is self love biblical? And I think that very much ties into this whole narrative of being a strong, independent woman. And then my second point would be, why is it so scary to be dependent on something? We will do anything but lean on anyone but ourselves, but we continue to let ourselves down, and then we continue to go in that vicious cycle, and then we're continually confused why our life still looks the same as it did last year. And I'm not even just talking about God here. A lot of you, me included, find it difficult to acknowledge that a true man should make it easy for us to be dependent. And I don't mean fully dependent. I don't mean that I can't eat, think, breathe, talk, walk without my man. But a true man of God is meant to be a provider. A true man of God is to make you feel capable and loved and acknowledged the point where you are dependent on him. And I think that's where a lot of people go wrong. A lot of women go wrong because they can't see that even in a tiny way, a small way, in certain things, being dependent on a man is good. That means that they won't choose a man that is able to provide for them. They don't see that as a necessity. And I do think that's where the problem falls when women choose a man. Because if their concern is not to choose a man that they can lean on or they can look to for protection, for love, for deep care and christian wise, deep spiritual guidance and pushing towards you being a better woman of God, if you're not looking with that quality of I want my man to be able to submit entirely to God so that I can submit to him. If that's not your priority, you will continue to pick up men that don't treat you right because you'll keep seeing you two as two separate entities, but then you're confused when he's not treating you right. Do you see where this generation just messes it all up? But do you see where God has it. All right? And it really made me think, as I was saying, that I was at my youth club, not my youth club. I don't go to youth club because I am a full grown woman. I was at my church's youth club yesterday on a panel, just answering some questions that actually the youth gave. And let me take a minute to acknowledge the questions. The youth leader sent me a text on WhatsApp the day before of, like, you know, these are the questions that we're going through, just, like, in preparation so you can look over it type thing. And I read them out to Naz, my boyfriend, right before I left the house yesterday to go and do it. And I was like, these questions are deep. Like, I don't know where she got them from, but they're good. And even me and Naz talks over one of them, which was, God says, thou shall not kill, but there's, like, murder in the Old Testament. How do you describe that? And I, at this point, I didn't realize that my panel was, like, not just me, because they hadn't told me exactly, like, how it was going to be structured. So I thought it would be like a one on one interview with me. I get there, we end up, like, praying over the night and, like, you know, that the kids hearts will be open. And they mentioned, oh, you know, we just pray over Elodie, Jess and Gareth. And I was like, for you, it ain't me. I'm my own. Because I was thinking, I don't know how I'm going to answer that question. Like, I was thinking, am I going to talk about the righteousness of God? You know, God has certain standards, and he wants Israelites to be set apart. But, like, that still doesn't feel like I answered the question properly. But luckily, Gareth is my pastor, and he was there. So me and Jess, which is one of my close friends, when she got there, I was like, first of all, Gareth, I don't know you be here. But second of all, did you also, like, look at that question and think, what on earth? And she was like, yeah, I do not know how to answer that question. But the point that I'm making is those questions, all of them were questions that the youth gave. And we're talking eleven to 17 year olds, like, how good is our God that these kids will ask such deep, intricate questions? And when I tell you, when we were given that panel, they sat silently. You could hear a pin drop. They were so interested and, like, taking it all in. But one of the questions that they asked was, you know, about the Bible being relevant today? Like, how is the Bible relevant today? How can we apply something that's so old to our lives now? And it makes me think about how today's generation, in terms of relationships will constantly try to come up with modern ways in how to deal with a relationship. But none of those modern ways work. And if they are seemingly modern, you look in the word of God and you will find that these are actually biblical principles, but just explained in another way. They all stem from God. Every good and beneficial thing for a relationship comes from God. And everything that is a bit dodgy comes from new age and comes from people trying to find ways that don't serve the relationship, don't serve the other person, but serve self. If you look at a lot of relationship advice videos online, it's all about making sure that you are in check, making sure you protect your heart, making sure you do this for yourself, making sure you don't give a man this and this and this, and this is all about how you can serve yourself. And don't get me wrong, you have to be careful in relationships. You don't just give everything to them just like that. That's why, you know, the Bible calls for us to not commit fornication. Because giving ourselves to a man before marriage, we should be giving ourselves to God wholeheartedly first. And they should be giving themselves to God wholeheartedly first. So then they get conviction on whether to marry us. So they treat our bodies with respect, treat our bodies like the temple of the Holy Spirit, like we should be treated. So then they earn the ability to have sex with us. But yeah, there's so many other things that, you know, you don't just go into a relationship like that. However, going into a relationship thinking of self all the time is why a lot of relationships fail, why communication lacks, why men treat women so bad, why women treat men so bad, and why these cycles continue to go round and round and round and going into all of this, I really want to read from Ephesians five, and this is a chapter that I remember looking at when I wasn't a Christian, when I was in my RSA level. If you know anything about my testimony, doing religious studies as an a level was like the tipping point for me. Like being borderline, pretty much fully atheist, and just like completely arrogant towards the idea of God. I didn't even care whether God existed. It didn't like, bother my life. Like, I just didn't want to think about God. I don't care and I remember looking at ephesians five. And what's so funny now is I studied it when I actually became a Christian. People always only dwell on the first part of ephesians five. So we're going from ephesians 522. But the main thing that I want to talk about, because talking about men of God, is verse 25. But I will read verse 22 because this is the only section that was given to us in our a levels, which really does make me believe. And I did say it, like, when I first got saved and I thought over, like, all the different things that got me away from God in the first place, that that curriculum was not designed whatsoever to really share the gospel, to really share God's heart. When we learned about Jesus, did we even learn about the crucifixion and resurrection and what that meant for believers? Did we learn about all the rules? Yes, that's concerning, but that is what the world will want us to think. And unfortunately, that will, if we as believers, especially young believers or believers that have just recently got saved and maybe, like, need to be, have their minds reframed outside of the worldly culture, we have to be intentional to relearn these things, because the world will tell us things about our God that our God didn't tell us about him self. And I'm gonna read this in isolation. Ephesians five, verse 22 to 24. I'm gonna read it in amplified, because I just think amplified hits. Wives, be subject to your husband. So this is, wives, submit to your husbands as a service of the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, himself being the saviour of the body. But as a church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything, respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as the head of the house. If you read that in isolation, if you don't look at it enough and you don't give it context, that can feel very much like, wow, that's kind of scary. Like, who are you telling me to submit to that in isolation? Feels very much like anti women, anti having a voice, anti like freedom for women. It can feel very oppressive. But then also, at the same time, I love the amplified version where it says, wives should be subject to their husbands in everything, respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God. And this is where it goes on to verse 25 that no one really talks about. Husbands, love your wives. Seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love, just as Christ also gave the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word of God, so that in turn he might present the church to himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle any such thing, but that she would holy set apart for God and blameless. Even so, husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as being, in a sense, their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hates his own body, but instead he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are all members of his body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined and be faithfully devoted to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery of two becoming one is great, but I am speaking with the reference to the relationship of Christ in the church. However, each man among you, without exception, is to love his wife as his very own self, with behaviour worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her, with an attitude of loving kindness. And the wife must see to it that she respects and delights in her husband, that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honouring him and holding him dear. I could cry at that. Like, that is, like, beautiful. That is so. Not just beautiful in like how. What? Like a beautiful relationship that would be between man and wife, but how that reflects God's love for us, as in Christ loving the church. But then also how God delights in a relationship like this. He delights in a man just loving his wife, serving his wife, giving his all for his wife, because it shows the love that Christ has for us. And this is not just for women either. This is for the man. The man is reminded of Christ's love as he loves his wife. And then the wife is reminded by Christ's love as her husband loves her. And God delights in that. Like, that's poetry, that's beautiful. And what I found insane when I read this. Do you see how fat that section was? What men are required and expected to do for their wives? It's a lot more than a woman, because it's basically saying, men, this is what I expect you to be like. And if you don't behave like XYZ, I can't say that a woman should submit to you when it says, wives, submit to your husbands. That is as a result of the husband doing all the things that he should do to earn the wife's respect. And when you think of dating, this is what God would have wanted a man to show that he is capable of doing to a woman that he was courting. To say that, I will love you like Christ of the church. I will be morally obligated to love you like my own body. I will be morally obligated to wash you with the word to be subjected to Christ as I allow you to submit to me. We don't submit to God because God is God. We don't submit to God because he says so. We submit to God out of the love that we have seen that he's shown us. That's what allows us to come to Christ and to fully be joined with him in relationship. And the same goes for a man of God. And what I really want to talk about in this episode is the things they don't teach you about finding a godly man. And I think when I first became a Christian, a godly man was seen as just like. Yeah. As it is on the tin. A godly man, a christian boy, a boy that, you know, has a relationship with God or maybe goes to church or whatever, but I'm not really looking too deep into it. If, you know, he's goddesse, got like a scripture in his bio, and he's got a picture of the Bible, and, you know, I met him in church, then, you know, we've got a winner. But then also, I think at the same time, we can look at a man who is pursuing God and then, ding, ding, ding. We think husband vibes. But a godly man isn't just intentional with pursuing God. He is intentional in pursuing you. And I think that's where we can get it very messed up in christian culture, where we see a man who's serving God, but we're not seeing man who is ready to be a man. But we're not seeing a man who is ready to be a boyfriend. We're not seeing a man who is ready to be a husband. Just because he is a man of God does not mean he is at that point to serve you as a woman. This means that a man, when he is in relationship with you, he has your spiritual growth at a top priority. And this is something that I didn't really. I hadn't really thought about very much because before I met my boyfriend, I told myself, you know, I'm not dating for a while. I just gotten out of, like, a really toxic situationship that so, say, started Christian. We met in church. It ended up me taking a pregnancy test. So, you know, you can see where that went. So, you know, I told myself, I'm not. I'm not gonna be pursuing men for a while. I didn't really think about what a godly man should be like. You know, I realized, okay, I'm gonna really have to up my standards. But right now, I just want. I just want a relationship with the Holy Spirit, because I think if I have a relationship with the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit will guide me or guide me away from anyone that is not of God, but also not for me as well. And it was only when I met Naz, and it wasn't even when we were dating, funnily enough, it was so a little quick background of how me and Naz met. For people that don't know. We met on TikTok, but, like, not on TikTok. We met on Instagram, technically. So one of Naz's friends, like, posted a video of, like, just post lockdown when people were allowed to, like, go out and see their friends outside, and they had, like, a picnic or something. I don't even know. But I saw Naz's face. Lovely, strong featured, nice skin, black man. I was like, yeah. Aesthetically, that is a bit of me. Like, I naz. Like, it's so funny. When I first showed a picture of Naz to my friend, she was like, elodie, he is literally your type to a t. I was like, tell me about it. But obviously, your girl was trying to be smart. She was trying to be wise. I wasn't just looking at his face. I let it go. I followed him. But I was like, whatever. I forgot about it, if I'm honest. Like, I just carried on doing what I was doing, and he was actually on a social media break at this point, or, like, just shortly after I followed him. And then I followed him on Instagram as well. And then when he came back online, he was posting tiktoks, and I remember, like, I would go through TikTok and, like, you know how your for you page just adapts, like, the stuff that you're looking at? By the time I liked one thing, all of his, like, previous tiktoks were coming up on my for you page. And I remember saying, like, to my mum, because to be honest, he, like, always posted such good videos about God. And I was like, wow. Like, he's not just a christian man. Like, you can tell that he is reading his word and studying it, and he can teach and show things in such a powerful way. And I would look at these videos and I would, like, show my mum just like, just because it's a good video, but I would, like passing comment being like, look at what my husband posted today, like, as a joke. But I was like, he's so handsome. Like, this is what I want my husband to be. Like, cut a long story short. We ended up talking on Instagram about something like your girl said into his DM's. If I'm being honest, men should pursue. But elodie, she did not. And I'm kind of glad that I didn't. I don't take it back. I don't take it back, to be honest. I swiped up on a story that was genuinely interesting. It wasn't just to slide into his DM's, but it ended up turning into a long conversation. And before we even got on the phone, we were talking for, like, I don't know, the time frames from back then because it was, like, still low key lockdown at that point. Like, we were allowed to go out, but, like, very minimally in, like, early 2021. So weeks passed like crazy. I don't even remember a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure it was like a week or two. We were talking back and forth on voice notes, and it was in that moment we weren't just talking rubbish. We weren't just, like, getting to know each other in, like, a really surface level way. We had such deep conversations about God. And I don't know what I expected because I'd never talked to man of God before, someone that I fancy or someone that I don't like in general. I'd not come across a man of God my age, period. He was my first experience with that outside of, like, old men at my church. You know, like, they wouldn't be someone that I would, like, pursue or be in the same generation as me for me to understand. Like, okay, men my age have the ability to act like this. And I remember getting in the shower one time after, like, we sent a few voice notes and whatever, and, like, my shower times and my prayer times. Every time. I pray in the shower all the time. Sorry for my water bill, because sometimes my showers are long because I'm just, like, praying. But it's like, a good. For me, it's like a good time to get out of, like, headspace. For me, it's like the perfect time to, like, have that headspace to pray. But I remember saying to God, I. How grateful I was for Naz. Bearing in mind I barely knew the guy. And I was like, I'm grateful that you have created a man like this. And whether or not he is my husband, I give him thanks because he will be such an amazing husband. And that prayer was, like, so powerful because I was like, and I think I did say in that prayer as well, you know, if he's not for me, take him out of my life. But I'm still so grateful that I've met someone like him. So I've got an understanding of what a true man of God should be like. And it was in that moment that I realized that a man should, it should be his utmost intentional effort to be someone that is able to fill other people with the love of God, to want to spread the gospel, to want to have these deep conversations. And then when you, when you translate that in marriage, a man that cares so deeply about his wife, not just in the practical, surface level things, but her overall spiritual growth. So when women are pursuing a godly man, they shouldn't just be pursuing a godly man in his own right. They should be pursuing someone who is always aiming to respect their purity and they're belonging in Christ as well. It's not just, oh, you don't want to have sex or marriage. So I guess I'll respect that. It's, I actually care about you being God's child, and I care about your purity, and I care about moving you towards the things of God as I also move towards the things of God. And, you know, these spiritual things are really important. And, like, I wanted to say that first is, like, you know, this is the foundation because I think if you haven't got the spiritual things, the other things are real hard. The other things that are hard to do. It's hard to convict as well, because there's a lot of things that me and Naz have been through and things that we've had to grow in, like, just our overall positive characteristics, taking away the negative ones, growing in the fruits of the spirit, and just being generally good and healthy boyfriend and girlfriend. But like I say it to people all the time, I am so grateful to Naz for his just openness to move forward in things and openness to admit where he went wrong and move forward and actually want to make a change. And I put that down to him having a good relationship with God if he didn't have that relationship with God. And also, it's not just about the relationship with God, like, it's why we have the relationship with God. Nas is more likely to want to move forward and love me and care for me and forgive me, because he knows how much God loves him and cares for him and has sacrificed for him. Jesus came down. God sent his one and only son down on the cross to die for Naz's sins, to die for my sins. But when Naz is loving me, he's almost having to look at himself as the bride of Christ, because he is the bride of Christ. Every single person, male or female, is a bride of Christ. So if he understands how much. How much freedom it is to feel that love and that peace and that awe inspiring transformation from God as someone who doesn't deserve it, as someone who is the weaker vessel, it makes him all the more able to love me as a woman and to treat me with gentleness. And it's even like, one of the scriptures that I used to hate. I hated it. And it like this one as well. Even when I became a Christian, like, even though I saw the rest of it, I still found it hard to understand. Like, how am I meant to submit to God? Before I, like, really grew in a relationship with God? And this was before I really grew in a relationship with Naz, I was in a relationship with Naz. I actually had to call my friend Priscilla and be like, girl, like, I'm struggling to submit. Like, I don't. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. And, like, her advice was essentially to take time. Like, she gave me a whole lot of advice, but she was like, you're just gonna have to go to God about this, and, like, just be patient, because eventually you'll begin to understand. And it did take time, but I got there, but. And I forgot what scripture it is, but it talks about, you know, the man covering his wife because she is a weaker vessel, and to remember that your wife is a weaker vessel. And I'd be like, hold on a damn minute. I ain't weak. I'm strong. And I was like, this just upsets me. Like, God, like, why are you calling me weak? Why are you calling me all these things? But there's a strength in understanding that, I think, and there's a strength in recognizing that I don't want to be the man. Like, I've tried to lead in our relationship. It's not fun. It's not glamorous. It's so tiring, because I wasn't meant to do that. And when you are in a relationship with someone who makes submitting easy, and I'm not saying it comes easy every time, because me and Naz have had countless arguments and me crying countless of times, being like, you're gonna have to work on this. You know, this really upset me, blah, blah, blah. But, like, I think it's the heart in which I know that Naz wants to. It would be very different if I was crying, because I knew that he didn't care and didn't want to improve. He has shown me over the years how much he wants to be that man, how much he wants to continually grow to be that man of God. So, like, as I'm talking now, like, yeah, I'ma use Naz as a lot of examples, but, like, he's not at the point that God calls men to be, and that's completely fine. Will he ever even get to that point? He might get very close, but it's like men, even at 90 years old, with 70 years of marriage, will have to continually learn how to love their wives correctly, and women will continually have to learn how to love and submit to their husbands properly. But, so I'm not using him as, like, a prime example, but I think it's important, especially because I know a lot of my viewers are either a little bit younger than me or a little bit older than me. It's important to see, like, a man our age who loves Christ, submits to Christ, and wants to treat a woman like the jewel that they are and exists. He's there. I see it in my life, and I'm not an anomaly. I know there are so many out there. I literally go, whenever I go to Naz's church in London, he's got a very big church, and a lot of men in the church. I think it's most men, young men I've seen in a church ever, maybe where I'm from in West country, there aren't like, many churches like that. I don't know, we're just, like, missing it. But so many strong men, so many young, strong men, whether they're single, whether they're dating, whether they're engaged, or whether they're married and really submitting to Christ and flourishing in their relationships with their girlfriends, or their fiances, or their wives, or flourishing to have that with their future girlfriend, with their future fiance, with their future wife. And, yeah, I think it's really important, like, whilst I'm going to go through these things, and it might seem like we're narrowing down and down and down as to, like, oh, my God, like, is this man out there for me? Will I ever find the one? Or will I have to settle whilst, like, that's? Important to do. So I really want, like give a shout out that like, there are men out there. I've met them, I've seen them. I date one. You can't have that one. But there's a lot out there. You keep your hands away from my man. But there are other men who resemble him. They're not like him, though, because my man's the best anyways. But yeah, the spiritual things are very important. But one thing that I want to go into is the practical side. And, you know, obviously I said, you know, a man that's truly submitting to Christ will be able to work on these things as you go on. But I want to emphasize, just because a Mandez seemingly has a relationship with God does not mean that they have a relationship with God. And I don't mean to say that in a way that's like hearsay. I don't mean say that in a way that takes away their personal experience. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone. I'm just making this clear for women who are guarding their hearts to not take everything at face value. Why do I say this? Because if he's not reflecting it in his day to day life and his day to day walk with God, he could post as many scriptures as he wants. He could repost as many videos and tiktoks about God as he wants. He could say, I thank God after every sentence. But that does not mean that he is a man of God. And as a woman who is in the vulnerable state, there is, because it is vulnerable, like starting to date someone and not knowing if you're going to end up marrying them. And like, you know, you then start to share personal things and you might start to catch feelings. And it's a hard thing. It's a hard thing in general, but it's a hard thing as a christian girl who's wanting to maintain her purity and dating for marriage. So when you're dating, you have to have marriage in mind. You can't be like, oh, I'm going to walk away. Because we know that God has called us to a higher standard than to just like, mess about and like, play it by ear. That's not how God works. When we go into something, we go into it with intentionality. So this is my calling for you women to go into it with intentionality. Just because he says it does not mean he talks it. Just because he says it does not mean he walks it. Just because he says it does not mean that it's going to come out in your relationship with him. This is why you look at their fruits. I don't know what it is. It used to be a very big thing on TikTok, but I still see it today. Christian TikTok, girls, social media, looking for that man of God. And it's like, I was like it as well. So, like, I'm not going to point fingers. I was very much like it. I see a guy. Guy on my for you page, post a bible, and I'm like, yeah, he's my husband. Like that. That's all I want. This is all I want from a man. Huh. Now that's bare minimum. That's bare minimum. Because you don't know anything about his personality. You don't know how he treats women. You don't even know how deep he's gone into his word. You don't know his interpretation of the word of God. You don't know if he's going based off of his fleshy understanding of the word that is self serving and not submitting to the Holy Spirit. So when girls are getting caught up in, like, oh, my gosh, a man of God, but they're not looking at actions and fruit, they are going to end up breaking their own hearts over and over again and not listening to what God has in store for them. And I want to go into a few things that you should keep in mind as a woman of God. And I think these are things that maybe don't get talked enough about because it's very much like, oh, he's Christian, she's Christian. They should date of. Sounds great. Sounds very easy. Sounds very like NCP vibes. You know, I've got my two sims, and I want them to date. And I'm gonna keep pressing, like, ask about your day or start flirting or do this and press all these actions until, like, eventually they're married, we are in the real world, and these things matter. And before, actually, I didn't even write this down, but before I go into it, personality. I've got a whole lot of things on my list, things that you should look out for in a godly man and a little bit of advice on each part. But before I even go into that personality, just because this guy is Christian, just because he looks good, just because he's nice and he's friendly, does not mean that he is your husband, and does not mean that you have chemistry, does not mean that you find him deeply attractive, does not mean that you are going to have a loving, fruitful, fun, enjoyable relationship. What point is there to just be with someone because of their core characteristics, but not because they make you laugh, not because you can have fun conversations with them, not because they have a similar hobby to you or something. Like, I've said this before. Me and Naz have had the same conversation. And first of all, christians need to wake up their personality again, because I don't want to have a conversation with you. And it feels very rigid and very robotic where it's like, oh, how was your day? Oh, it was good, thank God. What did you do yesterday? You know, it was really hard, but, like, I trusted the Lord. Oh, so what. What are your plans? Wherever the Lord takes me. Can we just talk about, you know, I'm planning on going to university. Oh, my gosh. What are you studying? Preparing or studying? This. Oh, this. You know, we pray that God works it out for you. Yeah, I really pray that he does, because x, y, z. And I've always had this dream, and I feel like, do you see how much that conversation flows on? This is why a lot of people in the church are struggling to get in relationships with people, because they try and have a conversation, and it's very churchified, it's very christianese, and it's not allowing people to open up their personalities and be normal human beings because they think that's like being sinful. God created you with a personality. God created you with a sense of humor, and the same goes in what you look for in a man. God? Yes. He wants you to be with a man who ticks the basic boxes of a man of God. But I really do believe that there are people who are suited for you, and there are people that aren't. I know some lovely men, men in my church, men in Naz's church, men that I've just met who are christian men, and they're great. Pray they find someone who they love, but they're just not for me. They don't suit my personality. Maybe I don't find them attractive. We don't have the same humor. There's just a lot of things. And I think, like, that might sound very worldly, but, like, I don't think it is. Like, God created us to be different. And if we clone ourselves to be like, oh, he's a Christian, so I should just date him. We're, like, dimming ourselves, and I think we're dimming our purpose as well. And I think, like, even with Naz, me and Naz, it was very evident from the beginning of our relationship that our purposes align somewhat. And whilst Naz's perspective of, like, what he wants to achieve in his career has changed and isn't as similar to me because at first he really wanted to do content creation and stuff, and he still likes doing content creation, but he's now an interior designer. But even then, within purposes of, like, talking to the youth and really sharing the transparent stuff about our relationship, we love being in community. We love helping those that are younger than us. We love being older brothers and sisters. So the people that were like us when we were younger and didn't, we didn't have that role model. We want to be the role model of people that we didn't have at their age. And there's certain things like that, that it really does align and it shows, like, wow, if I just dated someone just because they fit this, like, very loose mold of what a man of God should be, but not what Elodie's man of God should have should be. I was potentially missing outd on all the things that Naz and I not just going to do, but are doing now. And it was even the other day we had a conversation, like an interview type thing, me and Naz, for my church, about our relationship, ask some questions about our relationship, how we've grown, blah, blah, blah, like, the basic things and questions that 18 year olds have about relationships. And it was really interesting. I was talking to my friend who actually led the interview aspect. She runs the youth and ya a little bit at our church. And she said that when she did some sort of form for, you know, what the, like, that age group enjoyed about this period, that they were kind of doing different socials panel nights, like discussions and stuff about faith moving forward and like, various different topics. What things stood out to them. Every single person said they loved the interview with Elodie and Naz. And that's not even for me to boast because people said it even at the point. These are like 18 year olds saying, like, you guys just bounce off of each other so well. Like, we love hearing you guys speak. You can tell that you're so in love. And it's things like that, that, like, God cares about those things. He doesn't just care about like, oh, she's a Christian, he's a Christian. Boom, bambosh. We should just, like, get married. He cares that, like, we bounce off of each other. He cares that we're able to talk to each other and talk with each other to other people in a way that glorifies God and glorifies his, like, matchmaking abilities, that he cares and he's intentional about the people that we date, the people that we marry. My real encouragement to you guys is to not fall into the trap of, like, he's a man of God, so I should just date him. I promise there's so much more. And I promise that God wants so much more. But going on to this, things to keep in mind for a relationship with a guy, characteristics, things that he should show, which are very important. I don't think we talk about enough because we over spiritualize things and then people end up being in relationships that the men aren't showing these aspects. And when I say these things, by the way, you know what? When I say it, there are a few things that are more for the man. But, like, through it all, I want you to think also how you can do it as a woman. Because I don't want this episode to just be about, like, this is what to expect from a man. And I'm not encouraging you as a woman to change because I know that might be the inclination for a lot of you. And I also know that there may be men watching this and they're gonna want me to bring up that, like, hello, like, I also want XYZ from a woman. And maybe I'll do another episode about being a woman of God in relation to relationships and what I've had to learn as well. Don't expect this perfect man if you don't have it all in check as well. And I'm not saying all in check in, like, the way of, like, you should, like, never sin, you should never do wrong, blah, blah, blah. But, like, I mean, be intentional to not have inconsistencies in the way that you behave. Strive to be a godly woman as you are finding your godly man. Strive to be a godly woman as you are pursuing your godly man. Strive to be a godly woman as you are dating your godly man, as you are engaged to your godly man, as you are married to your godly man, as you are having kids with your godly man every day, you should focus on yourself just as much, if not more, than your focus on your man. Because if you find a man that really loves you and is submitted to God, I promise you that they are having their own conversations with God and they are moving forward in themselves. And we can so much focus on someone else's wrongdoings, and we are blind to our own. So the first thing, kindness. Very simple one, but very important one. I don't just mean to you because, yeah, kindness is very important. How a guy treats you because there are men who are really nice on the outward, you know, outside, in public, whatever, and they come home and they are absolute menaces to you, and they're horrible and they're abusive. So how a man treats you from the get go is very important. And I also think understanding the difference between consistent love and love bombing. If a man is up and down with his love and he gives it and then takes it away, that is not a man that actually is kind. That is a man who is manipulative and abusive. I've had that experience myself, and it's not good. It never leads to good. It can make you feel like, oh, I'm gonna hold on to it, because he was good that one time. So he's being mean right now, but it's fine. He'll be nicer. No, have I. I have never been able to say. I'm not saying that Naz hasn't upset me. I'm not saying that he said things that has been harsh, but to outwardly say, like, you're being really mean. He said mean statements, and, like, oh, that's upset. Like, hurt my feelings. But to say, like, naz is being really mean to me right now. I have never been able to say that. I've never been able to say, like, wow, that was so selfish and horrible and mean of him. Why is he treating me like this? Because as soon, like, even for both of us, like, I. To be honest, if I'm being honest, which is why when I said about thinking about women, your girl has more inclination to be mean than Naz, I think. And I'm going to go into so to anger in a minute, but that's kind of where it stems from. Lord, I'm working on it. I actually am. Like, I'm joking, but I actually am working on it. And I would hope that Naz would say the same thing. I also really want to get Naz on the podcast at one point, because I think he would be incredible. I just need to find out a way to connect to my microphones. That would be down to my mother, who is very techie and knows how to use these things, because she is the one that helps me set up for my podcast, because there's a whole lot of wires going on. We've got a boom arm, we've got the microphone. We've got loads of, you know, twisty things and buttons, which she's just told me what to do, and I just do it, but I don't know what they mean. I don't know how they work. So she will do that, and we'll figure out how to do a podcast with the two of us. But I would hope that he would say that I've gotten better, because I have really tried. But, yeah, Naz has never been mean to me. Like, just a mean vibe. I've gotten annoying vibes. I've gotten, like, you're not really thinking properly vibes, but like, to say that he's being outwardly mean, that's like a no. But then, at the same time, one thing that I love about Naz, and I think I recognize it when I had him meet my family, but then also I met his friend, is a. My family just love him. This is not just my parents. This is extended family. Aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents, they all love Naz and see why I love him, because of how he treats them. I never have to worry when I have Naz, like, come and meet my family, that he's going to be rude or say something outlandish or not be caring or forgiving or kind or helpful. I know that he's going to do all of that. And it was even when I meth Naz's friend on his 21st birthday. This is when we were, like, barely dating for long. I think we were together for maybe, like, two months. And I met a lot of his school friends, uni friends, family friends, whatever. And every single person that I talked to spoke so highly of Naz. Like, you would have thought that he paid for them to say that, how kind they were being about him. And, like, you know, you've got a really good one there. Naz has just, like, always been such a kind guy. Like, I really like, I'm so happy that you found someone like him. Like, honestly, there's not enough that I can say about him as a person. And these are people that have known him, even pre Christ, but have seen him develop and grow as he's come to Christ. And that was an entire testimony to be like, I know that he cares about those friends. I know that he cherishes them, that he cares about them, that he'll help them, that he'll support them, that he'll have their best intentions in mind when he's around them. And I think that's something that's so powerful that doesn't get talked about enough when we look at godly relationships. It's not just fulfilling for my man to be nice to me. The fact that I can hear other people who are around him saying that Naz is such a good friend. To me, he's such a kind friend. Like, I know that if I ever needed advice, Naz would be there. It's like, wow, that's what a true man of God is. The fact that he sees his whole life, every single relationship, as an ability to show the love of Christ. Second thing, commitments to the things of God. You can have a man of God, but their fruitfulness of showing how much they commit to God's things is very telling and the same, like, leads on in terms of how he treats his friends. I think that's a big part, how he treats his family, but then also how he does things with purpose. Because I think, like, commitments can be seen as, like, just serving in church. And, yes, serving is a good thing, and serving in the confinements and the four walls of church is a good thing. But, like, I don't believe that serving is just confined to that. You serve every single day. You wake up in the morning, whether it's a Sunday or a Monday, whether you go to church or you go to the supermarket, whether you're helping your mum out with an errand in the house, or you're serving in youth on a Sunday. It doesn't matter where you go or what you do. There are aspects every day. There is an opportunity every day to serve. And I think one of the things that I love about Naz is everything he does is with purpose, whether it's in church and how intentional he is with serving youth or just being a general good friend to the people in his church, whether it's his non christian friends and how he is around them, whether it's his christian friends, he has, like, a little cute group of friends that he's always, like, hanging out with from uni, and how he's, like, able to just grow with them over the years has been amazing. But then even in his work and just his personality and how, like, he started a new job the other day, and he posted about on LinkedIn, or I don't know if it was when he started, but he posts, like, a little bit after he started. So he had, like, some pictures to post, and there was comment after comment after comment saying how great it was to meet him. I know you're going to be amazing. Thanks for all of your help this week. You've been really helpful. Like, we just know that you're going to make such an impact. It was great talking to you the other day, Naz. You know, such a kind person, blah, blah, blah. And it was one of my colleagues that mentioned it, because a lot of my colleagues also follow Naz on LinkedIn. And he came up to me and he was like, oh, all those comments on Naz's post just shows, like, what a person he is. Like, what a great guy he is. Like, the fact that, like, people that have just met him two minutes ago can, like, testify to what a nice person he is. Like, wow, that's amazing. This is coming from a non Christian, like my colleague at work. And this is coming also from non christians commenting on his page, that he has made an impact even in a corporate job. He is committed to the things of God in a corporate job. And it was even yesterday at the youth group interview panel thing that I had at my church. One of the questions was how we can spread the gospel to friends and family or in school and whatever. And I made the point before I even went into how to share the gospel, I said, your actions speak so loud, how you are in school, how you treat your friends, how you avoid gossip, how you always ensure that you make people feel welcome, even those who aren't part of. Of your friendship group. Being a kind person is going to spread the gospel in such a powerful way. And the same goes to us as adults. The same goes to your man that you're pursuing and how he is around other people. So, yeah, always ensure that you can see somewhat it doesn't have to be in anything dramatic, because, you know, some of you might be quite young, or maybe he's young in Christ. You're young in Christ. It might be, you know, not coming to fruition as much as Naz right now, or as much as even men older than Naz. But to see that there is that drive and that desire and that outward show of commitment to God's things is so important. And then the next one is ambition. A person without ambition is a sad person, and I would stand by that. And I don't mean ambition to, like, cure cancer or, like, combat world hunger or fly to space and, like, discover new planets or, like, do open heart surgeries. But ambition for something, there has to be something. And that's something, obviously, yes, we need to think, you know, it has to be in submitting to Christ. But, like, I can't tell you how attractive it is for Naz to be an ambitious person, have that desire to provide. And this is, like, a touchy subject for a lot of women and also men as well, especially in the world that we're in right now, where both men and women work, both men and women earn money. And, like, I don't say this to be like a man should earn more money than his wife. Not in every scenario. And in a lot of scenarios, it happens because especially if a woman ends up having children and maybe slowing down going part time, some women end up leaving their jobs for a while, going on a career break. Some women don't go back to work at all to raise our children. It really depends on what you feel convicted to as a woman, because it is your choice as to whether you decide to work or not. And it also is your choice as to how high you decide to go up in your career. So I'm not talking about the numbers right now, but I think a man who is able to provide in a monetary way somewhat is important. And however that comes out, I mean, it's even Joyce Myers, my mom was telling me, obviously, Joyce Myers is a massive preacher, pastor, speaker, and you don't really see a lot of her husband, but my mum was telling me how her husband is the driving force of her ministry. He is the one that helps her plan her sermons. He is the one that ensures that she gets from point a to point b. He is the one that guides her, is the head of her, ensures that she is seeking God in a way that comes out in her speaking. And that, like, when I heard that, that was so powerful to me, because it's like, we assume that the man being the head of the house means that he has to be like, at the forefront, doing the most. But in some scenarios, that might not be the case. But I can assure you that people like Joyce Myers, Christine Cain, even Lisa Bevere with John Bivera preaching. But Lisa Bavara is so well known now, she has to lean on her husband. She desires to lean on her husband. And her husband, despite her ability to succeed in her career, her ability to provide for herself, her husband wants to be there for her and help lead her in the right way. And I think that is so powerful. And it's like, as a man, there's no jealousy with that. As a man, it's like we are one. And however it comes, whether I'm the driving force of money or whether you're the driving force of money, we are one, and we will be able to do it together. And I will ensure that I always provide for you. And that leads on to the next point. In terms of provision, it's not just financial, it's emotional. There is no point in being an impersonal provider if you're a man who's so focused on his career, goes to work, works eleven hour, days, comes home and doesn't give emotional attention, spiritual attention to your wife. You are lacking what God has in store for you. And don't get me wrong, there are men that have to work their butts off, especially if you're a woman who's pregnant or you're unable to work for whatever reason. You've got small kids. You're not in a career right now, and the husband is a sole provider. Yes, sometimes he's got to work long. I mean, even Naz, we're not, you know, he's not the sole provider. He's not going to be the sole provider in our marriage. But he works long hours because he's trying to build his business. He's trying to build a name for himself. He's trying to be able to build a foundation that will pay off in the future. And that means sometimes he has to work long hours, and that's fine, but that doesn't mean that he's able to just not give to me spiritually and emotionally. That does now not mean that he's doing enough. So I should shut up and just take the money that comes in. Oh, you'll be laughing soon when you know I've got all this money. So if I just don't talk to you for three years whilst I'm grinding and working my butt off to get to XYZ, whatever. Because you got money. That is not what God wants. I mean, if you read through that scripture again, there is no if or buts with ephesians five where God is talking about husbands loving your wife. He's not saying husbands love your wives unless you earn over 100k. It's not saying that. It's saying you need to, in every season, be spiritually and emotionally available to your wife. The next thing is forgiving and slow to anger. As I said, this is something that I struggle with as well, but we're working on it. But as a man, this is very important in a relationship in general. Holding grudges is not good. Arguing all the time is not good. Arguments happen, don't get me wrong, but not to the extent that some people's are. There's an understanding of, like, okay, this is a healthy disagreement that we need to work through. But there's a difference between, this is toxic, and I think, like the slow to anger thing, the best way to summarize that is slow to anger, quick to forgive. You can get annoyed at your partner. You can have a disagreement, talk it out, share your frustrations, but forgive quickly. And that's something that I've always been so grateful about. My relationship with Naz is, like, we have had some arguments, and maybe when we're married one day, we will share a few of those things for the benefit of other people that may be going through similar, but we have had borderline screaming matches only a couple times, but where we've really yelled at each other, and even when we've yelled at each other and, like, I've cried and whatever, like, we have figured it out so fast. And, like, even the other day, I was thinking about. I remember this one particular situation where we had a really big argument in the car, and I was, like, convinced. Like, drop me back to the coach station. I'm going back to Bristol. Like, I don't want to be here anymore. And we ended up going to Starbucks because I was in the middle of working, because I was, like, finishing my shift. Like, working from home, working from cafe. And, you know, we went to Starbucks, and he was, like, going to get out of the car a little bit later because he was eating food or whatever. I remember, like, going out of the car, still crying over the argument, got into Starbucks, got my coffee, sat down, was working. Naz came in, got his coffee, sat down, and he hugged me, said he sorry, and we just had, like, the nicest afternoon. The problem wasn't solved. We still had to very much talk through what the argument was about, but, like, we just let it go. And, like, I thought about that the other day. I was like, that is wild. Like, some people would, like, full on, like, not talk to each other for two days, and I'm not here, like, saying, like, oh, my relationship's better than everyone else's, and blah, blah, blah. Look at us. But, like, naz, like, he forgives fast. I think I do forgive fast, but it only comes from the love that we have for one another through Christ, which is, like, so powerful and should never be overlooked. So definitely look for that in a partner. And then the next one is communicating. Oh, my gosh. Someone asked, like, me and Naz when we did that youth, like, interview thing for church of, like, what's, like, one advice you would give to, like, a couple, like, christian couple, and there's a whole load of things. But, like, I will always, hand on heart, say, communicate. Communicate is so important. Communicating is the number one thing. If you hold things in, if you don't talk, if you don't, just say, like, the little things that are gonna. Even if it doesn't fully solve it in the moment, it shows that you love them. Like, I even told Naz the other day, like, if I'm, like, having a go at you about something, and you just turn around and said to me, like, babe, I love you. I care about you. I understand that this has upset you, and I will work it out. I'm thinking about it right now, you know, give me some time to, like, process it, but we are going to work this out together. If he said that to me, I said to him, I would shut up. Like, I just would, because they'd be like, wow. Like, he needs time to think. Yeah, but he's telling me, and he's, like, telling me that he loves me. He's affirming me. He's showing me that we're in this together. And, like, that is such mature communication in my mind. And then when it goes into the deeper conversation, a, don't hold off the conversation. Don't hold off communicating. Talk about it as fast as you can. Yes, pray about it. Yes, think about it. But letting these things fester is the worst. Listening to each other, because communicating is not just talking. Communicating is listening. Sometimes it's listening more than talking. And I have a problem with that. And again, I'm working on it. And women, I think all of us sometimes are chatterboxes, but we have to let our man speak. Sometimes men are slow to speak, and we have to give them the room. Especially my man Naz stops talking when he's stressed. I start talking. So that's when our communicating can clash sometimes. But, yes, a man that communicates and doesn't avoid communicating is manly, and his approach to communicating is gold. I can tell you that for free. And then the last thing I want to say, which is less practical, but when you're pursuing a man of God, he needs to have his own godly vision first. He needs to be ready. He needs time to be ready. He needs time to seek God on his own. And like I said at the start, a godly man isn't necessarily always ready to be a godly boyfriend and a godly husband. I think the Holy Spirit will convict you, yes, on a lot of these things. But sometimes it actually does take having a conversation about it. And, yeah, we need to know sometimes that a doesn't always equal that B is going to come very fast. And I think as you work through these things and as you communicate, it will be very clear whether this person is ready, because you could have someone, you know, a boy that's so on fire for God, but he's not necessarily developed the characteristics that are mature enough to handle what comes with a relationship, which is very important. But, yeah, I'm pretty much all talked out. I definitely do want to do, as I was talking through this, I definitely do want to do a woman side of this because I am a woman. And I think it's very easy to talk about what we expect as a woman, but not what is expected of us, which is very important. So I will talk about that in the future, maybe the next episode when I'm back from holiday. But, yeah, I pray that this helped. I pray that this was eye opening and convicting because it's so easy to, like, settle for less with these things and also not give men time with these things as well. Like, don't rush something that's not there. But, yeah, I love you guys so much. I pray that this was of benefit. I am going to be on holiday as you listen to this. Actually, will. I will. No, I won't. I'll be back because we're only going for, like, six days, so I actually will be back, which is sad because I wish the holiday was longer. But we're gonna take God's blessings as they come, whether they're short or they're long. Amen. But I will be too tired to have recorded a podcast, so that's why I'm doing it now. But, yeah, I love you guys so much. Have a blessed week, and I will talk to you guys in the next episode. Bye.