you will never have faith without relationship.

faith without relationship? it doesn’t work. 

today i'm talking about why true faith is rooted in a deep relationship with God and not in striving for spiritual achievements or trying to “will” ourselves into faith.

what i talk about:

• why faith begins with knowing who God is, not striving to believe harder
• how our relationship with God transforms our trust in Him
• the importance of going back to the basics of the Gospel to build solid faith
• how reading and reflecting on the Word helps us understand God’s character

i also am open and honest about my personal journey of learning to trust God in difficult seasons.

faith isn’t something we conjure up... it grows from spending time with the One who is faithful. when you stop striving and start trusting, you’ll discover the boldness, confidence, and peace that comes from truly knowing God.

i pray this episode encourages you to lean into your relationship with God, reflect on His Word, and let Him grow your faith 💕

Transcript

0:10

Hey, my beautiful home, girls. I pray that you are well. I pray that you have had well that you had a good week last week and you're having a good week this week. I'm so sorry for the delayed episode this week. I was in London on the weekend. Didn't have time before that to record. Have been so busy with work, with life. And if you know me, you know packing is a whole ordeal. I gotta get it right, girl. I gotta pack my whole life into that suitcase. And to be honest, usually I don't even take a suitcase to London because I'm only saying one night. So I usually just have a backpack. But I had the privilege of being invited to a Christian award show on Saturday which was like so surreal. It's called the Set Forward Awards. It a UK based award show. They're four years in. And I met the coordinator of the award show at another event which was a movie premiere in London about a month and a bit ago. That was to see Sound of Hope. And that was an incredible experience and of itself. I met him at Houses of Parliament, Imagine. And then I had the privilege to go to this, see so many artists that I've been listening to for a long time, see new ones I haven't heard of and just really like, it's wild. Like A, it's wild how much the music scene is growing, like the gospel music scene, but B, like I don't even like to put it in the category of like Christian music. Yes, it's Christian music, but like this is music. Like I listen to Christian music, not just gospel, not just, you know, the typical stuff you listen to in church or whatever. Maverick city. Like we're talking so many different genres that genuinely easily replace secular music. And I'm not saying that secular music shouldn't be like gotten rid of regardless. And that decision shouldn't come from like an outpouring of God's love and God's holiness and that conviction that only he is worthy to be praised, not the idols that are constantly sung about in these songs. As well as idolizing this like artists themselves, I assume more people have come to Christ and more people have come to Christ and are using their gifts for Christ, which means that there's more music coming out, more range of music, better producing on the music because there's better budgets and also there's more people listening to it because there's more people coming to Christ. Like it was incredible seeing the amount of young people, like it was probably 70% young people, ages attending period. B, the actual Artists were all so young, like the majority of them were really young and making such an impact in the kingdom of God, in the body of Christ. And I would love to see the stats about Christians, like more people coming to Christ, because unless I'm just in a bubble, I really do believe that God is moving. And even the guy who set up the Step Forward Awards, he talked about how 20 years ago when he came to Christ, there wasn't really much of like a range of Christian music. And now any genre that you like, there is Christian music in that genre. There is something that is there, that is truly edifying, has got a good beat, but doesn't make you think about the things of the world, but think about the things of God. Set your eyes on things above and not things below. So that was really cool and just cool that I was invited. Like, oh, it's so crazy. Like, I'm grateful for you guys as well because I wouldn't have these opportunities if it wasn't for you guys being there for me and giving me that platform. God's been reminding me to stay present and to enjoy each moment as it comes. Stop, you know, envying the next step and start embracing the step that you're in right now. And that's definitely how I feel right now. And I, and I don't feel like I'm, I'm rushing myself. I'm enjoying every stage that it comes. Yeah, God is good. God is faithful. And to be honest, that leads on to what this episode is about. Faith. The idea of faith, the pursuit of faith, I think is something that is so wrongly displayed in the body of Christ. It's something that we strive for or focus on. And we are focusing on that more than focusing on the One who gives us the faith. And that might make sense to you instantly. And if it does, then click off right now because you clearly know exactly what I'm going to be talking about. Or if you do and you want further clarification or if you don't understand, then keep listening because I'm going to be explaining. This is going to be quite a heavy scripture based episode. But we love that. We love reading the Word. We love going back to the Word. Speaking of the Word. Guys, I was at Naz's church on Sunday and there was like a guest pastor and she, I can't remember the title of the sermon, but she was like started the sermon by reading 1st Samuel 1. And this is about Hannah and her barrenness and her waiting period, her pouring out to God, her giving Samuel over to God. Even before Samuel was conceived and before she'd started the sermon, I was crying. She hadn't even given any context to the Word of God. But by her simply reading and me following along the Word of God, I was able to put myself into Hannah's shoes, mourn about my own problems that I am facing, have faced whatever, and fill the love of God, fill my heart, fill my soul, give me faith, give me encouragement, show me his intentionality by just feeling like, seen by those verses, convicted by those verses, encouraged by those verses, like she hadn't even started the sermon. And for me, like that was an encouragement in of itself. Because I think a lot of the times we read the Word, wanting heavy explanations from other people, whether it's in sermons or in our devotionals, or through Bible references and commentaries, or by conversations with friends. And don't get me wrong, all of those things are so good, but the Bible in of itself is powerful. Don't take away from that. Open your heart up to have that one on one experience with God, with His Word, in prayer, in worship, no other voices around you. All those things are great, but they are only mere resources to the source. Until you have that moment where you are reading the Word, whether you're reading it as a quick thing on the bus, or you're just reading the verse of the day, you're on your Bible app, whatever, or you're sat down, you know, fully opening the Word, studying it in that silence with no other voices, no one else around you, no one to tell you their interpretation. When you have that Holy Spirit moment, nothing can prepare you for it. And I genuinely believe that that's what God intended. Yes, he believed the Body of Christ could be a huge help for us as believers. Yes. He knew that people were going to use their gifts of teaching and preaching and prophecy, you know, wisdom of the Word and an understanding of the context to bring it to life. But I guess even that's like the wrong way of putting it because the life is already there. Those people had to see the life on their own to get to where they are sharing it with you, have that hope and that faith and that expectancy when you open the Word of God, that by just reading the Word itself, you get the fruit and you get the understanding. It's not to say that you don't read your devotionals, not say you don't show up to church on a Sunday and not listen to the, the pastor's Word, but know that, that the secret place cannot be replaced or satisfied elsewhere. What you get from the secret place can't be satisfied elsewhere. But yeah, I just wanted to share that before I read these verses. Take note of what I'm saying, really listen to it. Even if it means, you know, pause this and go to the, the verse that I'm, I'm reading out to read it for yourself, to understand it, to pray over it. Because God can give you a revelation that I haven't even received yet. Something that is so beyond what someone else can give foresight for. Because whilst God is the same yesterday, today and forever, and he is king on every one of our thrones, he is at the forefront of each one of our lives giving the same, you know, wisdom, love, inspiration. But he reveals Himself in different ways to each one of us, for each one of our life situations. What we need to hear right now. Sometimes he gives us things that we shouldn't be sharing with people. Not to say God's a secretive God, but God is a personal God and He is an intimate God. And sometimes there are things that he shares with us that are indescribable in any other human conversation. So I really encourage you to have that expectancy when you're reading the Word. But I'm going to start with Hebrews 11, the famous chapter about faith. But I want to particularly talk about Hebrews 11, verse 6. And it starts with, and without faith, it is impossible to please Him. Some scriptures say without faith is impossible to please God. And I remember first time hearing this scripture and thinking, wow, okay, so I believe in Jesus Christ. You know, I've given my life to Him. I have trouble with, with this particular thing and I'm struggling with faith. So now I can't please God. Like now all of this, like, you know, unwind, and I'm all of a sudden like, bound to hell. Because I'm struggling with this thing that really used to get to me. And I think this is a lot of where it comes from when people are striving for faith, pushing for faith, because they see this calling from God and they take it upon themselves to bring forth that fruit of faith. But remember the entire scripture. Remember the entire context. I actually encourage you to go away in your own time and read this chapter for yourself. But this full scripture says, and without faith, it is impossible to please Him. For whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and he rewards those who seek Him. The scripture continues and the Scripture expands. And the Scripture answers the question of faith by saying that faith is not for faith's sake. Faith is drawing near to God, believing that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. This is pretty much textbook understanding of God. And the faith that comes is not a prerequisite of the God who you're having faith in. You don't have faith before you know who you're putting your faith in. If you don't know that God exists and that he rewards those who seek him. That is not a problem of faith in the sense of I am not at this high spiritual level. Yes, there requires some faith to believe that God exists, but it also requires wisdom. And I think when we talk about faith and we talk about wanting to have more faith in God, we aren't knocking down the barriers and getting to simply just believing that God exists and that God is king above kings, God is Lord above lords, God is Alpha and Omega. God is the beginning and the end. God is for me and not against me. God sent his one and only son to die on the cross for me, for my sins. So I should have life and have it abundantly so I have eternal life with God so I can rejoice, make disciples of all nations, have a purpose. Know that God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. We kind of add levels. And yes, I know that Paul talks about, when you're a babies, I fed you milk. I understand that. And I know there are levels. But sometimes we're trying to reach the top of the tower, but we haven't even taken the first step at the bottom. And this scripture for me really breaks it down to have me understand. Okay, so God isn't expecting me to have this, you know, crazy faith. The Bible talks about faith as big as a mustard seed. Do you know how small emotes he is? Google it right now. It is teeny weeny. God's not asking for the world. What he's asking for is that step. And that step in of itself is bold. But we will undermine it and say, but no, I've got to get bigger. I've got to strive for more. I'm not at this point because you might be going through something that is really hard to put faith into. And can I be real with you guys? I've never really wanted to speak about this. Not because I think people are going to judge me, not because I think that if I share it, then like it's all so real that I can't handle it. It's not like that. And I really do believe that God has been working on my heart on this. And really and truly what I was talking about Samuel 1. This is real to me. When I was a new Christian, guys don't judge me. Have you seen that tick tock trend? That's like we listen and we don't judge. That's what we're going to do right now. We're going to listen, we're not going to judge. When I was a new Christian, probably about 10 months in, so, you know, we, we went through lockdown, we came out, whatever. Let's just say your girl fell back into her old ways, her old ratchet, stupid, such dumb ways. Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum ways. And I slept with someone and it was unprotected girl. You know like Jamaicans have a saying, if you don't hear, you must feel ciao when I tell you I had to feel that regret, that mistake, those consequences, that was the biggest consequence of my life. It's one thing to have sex, bad, naughty, against God's word, do not do it unless you're married. But it's another thing, like that's just pure stupidity. Didn't even know the guy from Adam, like barely knew him, if I'm being honest. Like we weren't in a relationship. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve it anyway because I'm a child of the most high God and the only person who will be getting to that place of intimacy will be my husband. But even from just a logical sense, that was stupid. Your girl was worried that she was pregnant and I left it too late to have a morning after pill again. There's a lot of moral things that come into this situation. Do I regret having a morning after pill? Yes, because of the sanctity of life. But do I put myself in 18 year old me's shoes? Absolutely afraid of what my life will come to. I'm broke. I'm trying to figure out my life. I don't know if this guy is even like worth my time going to be my husband. I'm trying to go on this new journey with God and I feel just like tons of regret. And I feel like if I just wipe it away then it will go away. So please try and put yourself in my, my shoes right there and then. But they also suggest out of optimal safety, because I was late for my period, they suggested that I get a copper coil which is emergency contraception. And essentially if the sperm hasn't yet reached the egg or burrowed into the egg, I'm not good at biology. In fact, I pretty much almost failed. So I don't really know what it is, but it essentially kills the sperm. The copper kills the sperm. Are we being real now? Because I don't see the point in having a podcast if you guys aren't going to connect with me on deep level. So I'm just, I'm gonna just speak what I have to speak. I get this coil now. The most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. That procedure was terrible. Why was I in intense agony to the point where I had to be calling 111 pretty much every day, considering my parents didn't even know about this? So, like, your girl is going through this completely on her own, hiding the fact that she is literally thinking she's gonna die and her parents don't even know about it. And eventually I've told my parents everything in terms of my testimony, my journey, what I'd been through, whatever. So fast forward now to June of 2021. So this was from October 2021 to June. So a good few months have passed now and I am with Naz, my current boyfriend and my future husband. Poor guy. Poor, poor guy. We weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend at this point. We're just living life at Thorpe park, which is a theme park for those of you who aren't from the uk living our lives. On his birthday, we were like pretty much together, but you hadn't popped the question yet. I just finished my period. Life was fine. I was really, really painful periods, but it was like bearable. I just firmed it. I was basically in what I would describe as labor pains. And I don't use that lightly. I know that I've never had a baby. Even my doctor said you, you have prepared. Your body has essentially been going through minor labor pretty much every time you've had a period. Because my body, what I didn't know at the time was completely and utterly rejecting that coil for about six to seven months. And I'm at Thorpe park, had finished my period. We go on one of the rides and I look down at my new beige colored jeans and there is red. So I go to the toilet. I have panty liners on me, but no, panty liners are not good enough. They do not stop this crazy flow that is coming. So my poor beautiful boyfriend has to go into the toilets and say sorry to these middle aged women that he is in the women's toilets and he has to buy me tampons out of the, that like machine thing in women's toilets. That situation in the sense of me bleeding in Thorp park was resolved short term. But tell me why. I was bleeding for 20 days after that. Extremely heavy periods and extreme agony. Like, lost all sense of life in me. I had to fight to get a doctor's appointment. I had been fighting since I got that coil inserted because I wanted it out. Why was I having to argue on the phone with a nurse that didn't even know me from Adam, just like on some switchboard call center about why I want to get my coil out? She's saying, but you need contraception. Says who? I don't want to have it in me. Like, we talk about my body, my choice, until it's about contraception. Because you don't want me to have a child. Like what? So obviously me being 18, like, I struggled to advocate for myself as much as I could. My mum, luckily at this point, she knew about everything and was able to speak to the sexual health clinic in which I got this coil put in. My GP said they wouldn't take it out for me because they didn't fit it. Honestly, if you are part of the medical industry, no shade to you. But I do not understand a lot of these things. Like I don't understand how I had to fight for my life. And when I say fight for my life, girl, I ain't lying. I go into that sexual health clinic now, they take the coil out of me, fine, because I had basically said, I want it out. Like, get out of me. Very weird. Getting it in is painful and like horrible. And the fact that you're awake with no numbing as well to me, but like getting it out, like you have to cough. You can't make these things up, honestly. But anyways, that's not besides the point. They call in the doctor who originally fitted the coil for me to just do a analysis of my womb just as a safety precaution. Obviously. I told them that I had been Bleeding for like 20 days straight now, so I don't know what they were expecting. I don't know why I was expecting either. So let me not even judge. But she comes in, she has an analysis on my womb and she goes bright red. Bearing in mind this was like still Covid times. So she was wearing a mask, but she was hot red, like having a panic. And she goes, so we need to urgently treat you with a full dose of antibiotics because you have pelvic inflammatory disease that has progressed so much to the point where if you didn't come in, you would have developed sepsis and died. Okay, so you know your girl's a bit shocked. I had to go on the most aggressive antibiotics known to man. It was, from what I remember, it was two or three different types of tablets over two weeks and a shot of antibiotics in my left bum cheek. You know, when they give you side effects in these, like antibiotic things or any medication you take, you've got the leaflet. I experienced every single one of those side effects. It was the most heavy course of antibiotics I have ever been on in my whole life. And, you know, it solved the pelvic inflammatory disease, but it did not solve the result of what came after. The periods never got better, the pain never got better. And now, after four years of this, we are in 2024. I have unofficially been diagnosed with endometriosis, which may have been caused or exacerbated or whatever by this coil. I have been in countless ultrasound appointments. I have gone to doctors countless of times about it, to the point where my left fallopian tube is blocked up with tissue and scarring. My left ovary doesn't move as good as it should, which cause me a lot of pain in ovulation. If I'm ovulating from that side because the egg can't get through, I am in complete agony to the point where my body just feels like it's shutting down on my period. And I say all of that to say, you go through these points in your relationship with God where you have utmost faith for different things, but that faith doesn't extend fully to that thing, to the point where you just get tired and you go through the motions. You feel like Hannah, where she has waited for so long. And for me, listening to that, obviously you hear so many different things and I have heard so many things through the years, the different things that have been caused through this problem. Fertility. Fertility has always been a thing that's come up in doctors appointments, whether it's from the pelvic inflammatory disease, from a leftover scarring, from the endometriosis, whatever it may be. I'm not even officially diagnosed because the waiting list for the NHS is so long. And whilst I want to know and I want answers, I also have to have faith. And I know that it would be ungodly of me to approach it with no faith, to approach it with no hope. But when I have no faith and hope, because of the time that I have had to go through this over and over again, it feels hard. But wait. This scripture says explicitly about believing that God exists, believing that he rewards people, his people. If I can break down the barriers to start there, my faith will grow. Am I saying that I'm fully at that point, Sometimes I feel good, but when I'm in those moments of agony, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes when I example read 1st Samuel 1 or anyone talks about infertility, I started getting teary eyed. Sometimes I look at kids and I start getting teary eyed because a natural response for any woman wanting to start a family and being told that I might have problems with fertility is going to look at a child and think, gosh, like, I want that so bad. And obviously I am not married yet, so I am not sexually active, not trying for a baby. So it's in this like midway purgatory period for me where I am praying for this thing that I will not receive the fruit for yet. But I have to say hopeful until I get to that point and I am positive about it. Like, I could never have talked about this a year ago. A year ago I was a hot mess crying about every day. Really had to lay my life down to the Lord and really had to surrender to his plans and purposes. I believe that I will have children like that. That for me, no one can take that away from me. At one point I really was like, hurt about it. And every now and then I'm like, oh, shaky. But I know I'm going to have children by the grace of God and by the healing and restoration of my body. But that didn't come straight away. And every time I beat myself up for it, God knocked me right back into the basics. And in my podcast episodes or my TikTok videos, whatever you hear from me, a lot of the times I talk about the character of God. And the reason in which I talk about the character of God is because if you don't understand the character of God, you will never really know what you have in Christ. You will never walk in faith, you will never look into the future, and you will never forgive the past. What I just told you has taken me years. I am still in the process of every now and then hiccups of having to forgive myself, of having to move on, because I'll hear different people's testimonies of things that have happened, sort of like out of nowhere, no fault of their own by accident. But I'm looking at a story that I have caused. I have caused a large amount of this pain on myself. I always have painful periods. So who knows if I, you know, would have developed endometriosis in the future? I'm not sure, but I don't know the science behind it. But from what research I've done, I think the coil has exacerbated a lot of these problems. And for the amount of time I had it in and the amount of time that it had to create damage, I sometimes look back and I say, you're so stupid. Like why did you do that? Why? Why did you prioritize temporary pleasure and not think about the long term consequences? But God. And if I didn't know God, I wouldn't have faith to know that he has a plan for me that goes beyond that. And in Romans 10, verse 17, Paul says so. Faith comes from hearing and hearing the Word of God. Some scriptures say in hearing through the word of Christ, I only know the character of God because of the Word of God and my intentionality to grow in wisdom of God. If you aren't placing knowing God above faith, you are trying to run before you can even crawl facts. Stop trying to strive for faith, fighting for it, feeling guilty over not having it. When you do not know God. And some of you might be heavily in your Word, but you're heavily in your word. Constantly in your mind thinking about getting to this point. It's almost like you're doing it because you're studying for a test. Sit down and reflect on the word of God I've got written in my notes and I was going to go on to it later, but it fits so easily into what I'm talking about right now. Faith is not faith without relationship. You cannot grow in this so called faith filled life of a believer. Faith filled life of a godly woman. Faith filled life of a godly man. If you do not have a relationship with the thing you put your hope in. Do you think I could have faith in my boyfriend if I didn't know him? No, because he wouldn't be my boyfriend. I can only trust him because I know Him. And God is so patient to recognize that. He's not saying that you have to go straight into trusting him before you even know Him. That's why giving your life to Christ is a choice. He's given you that choice and that opportunity. Take that opportunity as just the opportunity to literally bond and fellowship with the Creator of the universe, with the Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirit, with the Father. That's an opportunity. It should not be seen as a challenge. We need to stop seeing faith as this challenge, this barrier that we have to get over. And in this period of life that I was going through, you know, I had to re evaluate my faith in God. Like it all just got real. It got really real. Because this isn't just, you know, faith, you know, I'm an 18 year old who's not really got much life problems having faith in Jesus to I'm having a real adult problem, one that regards my health, my future. And it felt like the whole world was on me and it felt like I had to be the one to sort everything out. But when there wasn't options to sort it out because there is no way to heal, like medically of what I'm going through, it is I have to have faith that it will all be okay. And that's the problem. I have to have faith. No, I get to have faith. And now I recognize the difference. I don't have to have faith like oh my gosh, life is going to crumble if I don't have faith. I have the opportunity to commune and fellowship and have this faith and relationship with Jesus Christ. And I can develop that faith through hearing His Word, the Word that is alive, the Word that is sharper than any two edged sword. And my favorite verse. Proverbs 3 verses 5 to 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. Acknowledge Him. What does that mean? Acknowledge his character, acknowledge his grace, acknowledge his sacrifice for you, acknowledge his plans for you. Acknowledge his promises over you. The promises that have been so clearly said time and time again in the word of God. And when God makes a promise, when God says a thing, anything, it will not return to you void. That is reflecting on God's character, that is putting it above everything else. Because if it says trust the Lord in your with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, that can feel quite, oh, kind of taken aback. Oh, I just have to trust the Lord. But you don't trust what you don't know. You trust Lord because you acknowledge him in all your ways. And you know that he will make your path straight. And you know that he wants to. When Jesus healed that man and he said, lord, if you are willing. And he said, I am willing. Jesus is willing, so willing that he went to the cross and by his stripes you and me are healed by his stripes. We have life and have it eternally in the future and abundantly now. Ephesians 2, verse 8. By grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing. It is the gift of God, not a result of work. So that no one may boast. Do you know what I Find really funny about faith, the idea of faith, the idea that church or Christianity has taken faith to be. We say that we're not defined by our works, but we also, whether outwardly say it or inwardly, that we can boast in our faith that we have more faith. Oh, he is so filled with faith for God and that sets him apart to give him more favor from God. Yes, faith is important. Yes, faith does impact our fruits, does impact our walk with God. But it says for by grace you have been saved through faith and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God. So you have been saved, which is a gift. And that recognition of that salvation gives you faith. You don't get faith from working hard to get faith. You get faith from understanding that what you have received and what you put faith in is a gift. Nothing that you earn. So when you are lacking in faith, you are not lacking in being a good Christian. You're not lacking in spiritual gifting. You're not lacking in comparison to your friend or someone at your church or your pastor or a testimony that you've seen online. You just need to go back to the Word. You just need to remember this is the core of the God who I serve, that I have been saved through the grace of God and not by the works of my flesh. Do you see how through the whole Word that God is trying to get us to go back to the basics in order to get to the meaty stuff. In order to have the faith that God can heal your body, you have to believe that God heals your soul in the new person, that we are made in Christ, that we now get to breathe our last breath, confident that we know where we are going. And that might sound so you know, step one of Christianity, but it is the first and final step when Jesus says he is author and the finisher of our faith. Jesus, sacrifice, his crucifixion and resurrection is the beginning and the end of our faith. It is not, you know, the first part of oh, I accept Jesus, my Lord and Savior. I believe that he died on the cross for our sins and rose again, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now I get to the next part. No, you have to remember that thing every single time. I remember hearing it somewhere, I can't remember where. But someone saying when you're having a conversation with a friend or you're listening to a sermon or you're praying and you, it doesn't go back to the cross. There is a massive aspect missing there. You can have the most faith filled sermon, the most Faith filled prayer. The most wise and mature and groundbreaking conversation with a friend. But if, if it doesn't go back to the cross, what was it for? Because that's what we put our faith on. That is the cornerstone of everything that we do, of everything that we believe. So when I have the faith now for my healing, when I have the faith now that my husband gets saved, when I have the faith now that my son will come back to Christ, when I have the faith now, there will be a miracle on my finances. When I know that I will get that job. I am remembering the God who sent his one only son to die for my sins. If he can do that, then he is faithful in the rest. That is what having faith is. That is how you get back to ground. One stop trying to go up there when down here isn't sorted. It's like the Bible when it talks about building your house on solid foundation, sowing seed on rocky ground. We have to put him first. We have to put that first. I don't know how else to explain it, but he is the beginning and the end. And having faith in that, recognizing that, working to understand, love and be transformed by that, I promise you, you will be filled with the faith that you never knew could exist out of you. Filled with the boldness, filled with the confidence, the expectation of God to move because of this number one thing. I think back to my life before I came to Christ. The life that I was living. The mindsets that I had. The deep depression and darkness that lived in my heart. The ability to act so recklessly and do things with no second thought. To drink my life away, to give over myself to men out of just deep insecurities. I think of that time and I look now at the grace of God and I can only be encouraged in my faith. And I remember that. That all comes back to me having that simple understanding, that simple but completely life changing understanding of what the cross really means. That is when I have faith. Faith, when you're trying to achieve it on your own is not faith. That is fruitless motivation that will die, that will be swept away by the wind. I'm not going to read it now, but read the parable of the seeds in Matthew. I think it's in Matthew. I hope it's in Matthew. Read the power of the seeds. Go away and read that because that is a clear representation of faith that is rooted in man. And you may say, Ellie, I don't have faith in man. I don't have faith in people. I have faith in God, but you have faith in yourself and you're a man, you're a mere human. And you're expecting yourself to reach this incredible level of faith without recognizing the one that you should have faith in. And that might sound hard because you, you just so dearly need to have faith for this thing, and you're fighting for this thing and you feel like if you let go of, like, thinking about this thing every minute, every second of the day, that something bad is going to happen. That is, that is works mentality. That is a. That is a fleshly, anxiety filled, fruitless mentality. I can assure you that when you let Jesus carry your heavy burdens, he will give you rest, he will give you restoration, he will bring you abundance, he will bring you answers to prayer. But then when I think about it, even in the situation that I'm in right now, I have faith for it. And I. And I. And I want it. And I'm expectant. I'm expectant to, you know, be doing this podcast one day with a little baby bump. I'm expecting one day to be doing this podcast with my child crying in the background. I'm expecting one day for my children to grow up and have their own ministries and do their own things for the Lord and the things that they've been gifted in. I'm expecting all of that. But as of right now, I just love being with Jesus. I just love being confident in who he is. I love going to him in my times of sadness, in my times of doubt, knowing that I will be restored, not necessarily always by a miracle, but by that hope that there is more to come and what I have now is of such value. I pray that this episode was of help to you guys. I hope that in whatever you're going through right now, that that gives you hope and a restructuring of your mentality. We all try to go too far, but God is calling us to go back to basics because that basic thing will carry us through the most difficult things of life. I love you. I pray that you have a blessed week. And I will talk to you guys later. Love you. Bye.