dating should push you towards God, not away. (feat. nas)

dating as a christian comes with its challenges, but it’s also one of the most rewarding journeys when christ is truly at the centre. in this episode, nas and i go into what it means to date with purpose, how to honour God in your relationship, and the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

we share personal stories about balancing spiritual growth while dating, setting healthy boundaries, and navigating the cultural norms that often conflict with biblical truths.

what we talk about:
✨ why putting Christ first strengthens your relationship
✨ the importance of setting boundaries that honour God
✨ how spiritual growth impacts your relationship and future marriage

dating isn’t just about finding “the one” - it’s about glorifying God in how you love, honour, and grow with your partner. we hope this episode encourages you to reflect on your own relationships and take intentional steps towards a christ-centred love.

Transcript

0:09

Hey, homegirls. Welcome back to the Less of Me podcast. If you are listening, you can't tell, but if you are watching, you can tell. I have my beautiful boyfriend here with me today. Yeah. By popular demand, I am here early for Christmas present gifted to you all. So it's true. I literally haven't to be back. I haven't done an episode. Well, I haven't done an episode ever with you. I've done a video with you two years ago. Over two years ago. We were like babies in that video. We looked different. Naz had no faces. Yeah. This wasn't there. It wasn't even. Yeah, yeah. Naz had nothing. I looked like a child in that video. We were children in our relationship as well. Yeah. And I think we. We always were mature in comparison to what we could have been for our age. Yeah. But I think we definitely. Well, not think. I know. We definitely have grown and matured, not just together, but in our faith. Yeah. Over the last two years. I mean, gosh, that was what? That was a year and then, isn't it? Yeah. We were only dating for a year. That's nuts. You know how young we were back then. But no, I mean, it's been amazing to see the growth so far. So. Yeah. So we kind of wanted to come on here. I know you guys have been requesting for him to be on the podcast, and he is my first ever guest, actually. Love that we have Naz, and obviously we want to talk about dating. What other topic would we talk about as the first one with Naz on here, and as you see by the title, we want to talk about dating should push you towards God, not away from God, because I think that is. I think when it comes to culture, like Christian culture, tik tok, social media, whatever it is, there is like this desire for a closeness to God and a closeness to your partner. But I think actively and practically, like, living that out. We are lacking in that area, I think with a lot of Christian couples. And it's very easy to get swayed away and kind of get sucked into the world because your only concept of dating is from the world with a little sprinkle of Jesus. It's almost like I have the exact same relationship as I would if I wasn't a Christian. But we read our Bible together, and it's like we both know that there is so much more to that. So much more to that. If you're living out your Bible, then most definitely. But doing a Bible study once a month is not going to solidify your relationship. In the way that Christ wants it to be. And I thought a good way to kind of go into this would be to talk about previous relationships specifically where are they godly? Like, I don't want to hear about this. Where are they godly and did you want them to be? So do you want to go first and kind of talk about like relationships pertaining to do they encourage you towards God? Did they lead you away? Did you know God? Did you not? I mean, I guess to preface being in a relationship with Elodie is my first and only by God's grace, only Christian relationship. Prior to that I hadn't been in a relationship. I guess it was a talking stage. But I guess going backwards very early on started like getting with girls from gosh, don't guys. We speak and we don't judge. Okay. So yeah, probably from like year seven, like starting like I guess dating as such, if you want to call it that. And I didn't really. There was no concept of like faith like that. I would go to church when I came back from boarding school. I went to boarding school in Sussex for seven years. But I would just. There wasn't the concept of like adding God in. And even in my own life there wasn't really like maybe there'll be the occasional prayer, I need something reading, maybe like Psalm 23 which is like my bang out Bible verse chapter to read. But other than that, there wasn't really a concept of faith. Later down the line, I guess, you know, it'd be like the cool thing, you know, saying ah, you know, I want a godly woman, I want a godly man. Even though I was like, what is that even like I'll go to youth church during Unique. And yeah, like we would like go to church together, we'd pray. Nagala, I was with him like my first sort of one, two years of uni ish like on and off here and there. It wasn't really Christian relationship. We would just go to church as like a whole friendship group together, sing songs, whatnot. Just like what would typically be the cultural Christianity versus like actually walking out faith and actually applying that to our lives. So no, I didn't really have any experience of a Christian relationship prior to you other than like one small talking stage prior to like early on and like my Christian journey. But that quickly dwindled out and I can definitely see the difference between that and us. But yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's probably very common. I think when you say as well like I want a man of God, a woman of God. There's that, like. Like, almost idealized version of, like, what you want a relationship to be, but you don't know what really pertains to that relationship. You just know that would be, like, a nice thing. Like, oh, a girl that prays, a girl that goes to church. And it's like, yeah, you still. You want that, but you want everything else. Like. Yeah, I think contradicts. I think for guys, it's like that whole concept of, like, you know, the Christian baddie. Like, you want it to be bad. You want it to be. No, but it's true, though. You want it to be bad for you, you know, doing it freaky in the sheets, but you want it to be, you know, have a low body count, maybe zero before you, if possible. But, you know, when it comes to you to behind closed doors, you know, she's doing the most. The most. That is. Yeah, that. You know what? That's actually very true. I think I see that. That's almost like what culture is anyway. Like, and it's just like, you know. Yeah. It's almost like men. Men, they want this woman who's like, so say, like, you know, really pure on the outside and a good girl and hasn't done anything. And it's. It's like kind of that. That perversion as well. Like, you know, outwardly, I want you to keep yourself in check, but with me, like, like, no barriers, and I can treat you like an object because that's essentially what it is. It's treating them like an object. And I think there's also that whole thing of when you want a woman of God, you want a woman of God, but your understanding of being a man of God is not even in the picture. Yeah, that makes sense. 100. I would say the. The opposite as well with me. Not necessarily, like, okay, I liked bad boys growing up. Like, I did like bad boys, but I think, like, as I got older, I was like, oh, it'd be nice to have, like, a stable guy. But, like, I wasn't really thinking about myself, like, how I can change for a guy. I kind of thought I was already there. Like, it wasn't even. Like, I was like, I'm just gonna be, like, bad. Treat them bad, whatever. Like, I always thought that, you know, I would say I. I was an okay girlfriend in the sense of, like, a worldly sense. Yeah. But in my understanding of who I wanted to be as a woman of God had no correlation. Like, I was completely immature. And, yeah. NAS is my first Christian relationship. I was in, like, a situationship, like a year, less than a year into my relationship with God. And I desired it, Like, I genuinely did. Like, I genuinely wanted to have that. Like, what I have with Naz, I wanted that, but I just wasn't at that stage. Like, I wasn't ready, and I didn't have the ability to, like, put those boundaries. Do you think it was hard to know what you wanted from a guy because you didn't necessarily know, like, what you needed for yourself? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, that's exactly true. I think I. I didn't give myself enough time, like, I always say. So I got saved during lockdown, and I always say when I got saved in lockdown, I had, like, the time sat here reading my Bible, understanding, like, the word of God from, like, the theory aspects. Like, you know, like, yeah, when you're doing your driving test, which I haven't done, by the way, I can't drive. You do the theory first. But that literally means nothing. Like, if you can't physically drive the car, then no one's gonna put you behind the wheel. You only start driving for the first year. Trust me. I didn't know how to drive. Yeah. Like, until, like, year two. You nearly killed. I'm really, like, a couple times. Yeah. And I think, like, I obviously got entered back into the world, like, when, you know, lockdown lifted slightly, and I kind of thought I would be fine because I've read my Bible, I've prayed, like, I've given my life to Christ. But obviously that literally means nothing when you're sucked back into the temptations of the world and then into temptations of men. But in my mind, I somehow thought, like, I would be okay. Like, I thought, oh, I could cross the line with this. But, like, it could still mean that, you know, I follow God in this way. And if you spoke to me about someone who was doing that in the period where I was, like, in my word, in lockdown, whatever, I would have been like, oh, like, they. They need to, like, come to Christ and, like, realize. But, like, it's very different when you're in it. Like, even with us, I would say, like, even though we went about it very intentionally, there's still those biases of, like, the flesh that come in. You need to check yourself, like, instantly. Otherwise you're going to be. You can't be too proud of them thinking, like, oh, yeah, I can just do it. I can, like, lean on yesterday's knowledge almost and be like, yeah, I'm calm. I know what I can do and then not have that sort of intentionality about, like, what you need to do in terms of, like, processes or, like, seeking God together or setting certain boundaries. If you don't actually think about it, it's very easy to just see yourself slipping. Yeah. And I think. Yeah. With wanting it to be. I think I, like, want to preface, like, before we, like, fully go into the episode, a lot of you are desiring a relationship, but like Naz said, you might not want. Know what you want because you haven't gotten full satisfaction from Christ. So I could want to be in a relationship with a guy. I could want to do the whole biblical dating leading to marriage, the intentionality. But if I haven't got that core understanding of who I am in Christ and the fact that Christ has fully satisfied, satisfied me, I will continue to go in these relationships expecting them to give me something that only God can give. Yeah. And then also not giving enough of myself because I don't have anything to give. I'm, like, giving my all with a hollow heart, whereas if I'm giving it with a heart that's empowered by the Holy Spirit, I'm gonna move in a much more respectful way to myself as well. Because I think, like, early dating stages, you need to be, like, very careful in terms of, like, who you let into, like. Yeah, but it's very. Yeah. Then also, as you continue on, you're approaching it in a way that's not only beneficial to you, but to the other person, that you're respectful to the other person. I guess, while with that maturity, as you're saying, like, in terms of when you have, you know, a fullness in your heart to be able to give because you've received so much from God, then I guess, you know, relationships go through ups and downs. There'll be periods where someone's in, I guess, an area of weakness or, like, you know, going through something and they might not be able to, you know, so say, give as much or. But if you've got a fullness in your heart to give and you're getting from God, then of course, across longer periods, that might not be sustainable. But for a season, yes, if you're. You'll be able to do that comfortably and, you know, wholeheartedly and, you know, joyously, if you've got satisfaction in Christ versus, like, oh, my gosh, you know, Naz isn't given to me now, and it's like. But it's like, if you know that you have that from Christ, then it's your pleasure to serve Me in that way and then obviously, a case my pleasure to serve you in that way. And we're not, like, keeping account because there's that maturity where, like, we're just there to outdo each other and given versus, like, I'm trying to one up you and, you know, then I'm, like, waiting for you to then do it back to me. It's just. That's true. Yeah, I guess you. You will. If you're not fully embedded in your faith in Christ, in the sense of that humility. Relationships can be very prideful. But, yeah, leading on this is a hard thing to do. So dating and still managing to have God in the center is a difficult task. Like, I think a lot of people assume that it's easy. Like, I think people will look at us like, obviously we've been dating for a while. People know us like, oh, my gosh, she's my favorite Christian, like, couple ever. And we're like, oh, that's nice. But, like, we aren't perfect and we don't have it all together. Like, we've never wanted to come across as perfect, and we've never, I think, in our relationship assumed that we are perfect. We always knew that there. There was flaws and there will always be flaws. Don't get me wrong, like, me and Naz have grown, like, incredibly in the last three years, but at the same time, we. That standard of perfection is only looking at the perfection of Christ. It's not the perfection of us. But I want to ask you, so, like, coming in, obviously, since you said you've not been in a Christian relationship before. Yeah. What expectations did you have of Christian relationships and how are they different to now? Different to now. That's a good. Different to when we actually started dating. Yeah. Things that come up. That's a good. That's a good question. I think, for one, obviously, coming In, I was 20, almost 20, 21, you know, still. I mean, obviously I still live at home now, but I was still very much, like, living at home still within uni. Hadn't started working yet. So I guess in terms of me being. You were on a break from uni. I was on a break from uni. So, yeah. In terms of, like, me being mature, just even as, like, a person, as a man. It wasn't really. I wasn't really there yet, and then even saw that as a Christian, I'm only like a year in really, so it's like, okay, cool. What do I actually. What I even have an understanding of in terms of myself and Christ to actually know, like, what I need to be doing here? Because I think for me, expectations I had was like, hey, cool. We would, you know, discuss the word together, which we did. And we. We still do. We'd have, like, deep conversations about faith and how that applies to different areas of life, which we do and we did do. But in terms of then how that carries forward from, like, outside of praying, reading the Bible, you know, how does that kind of apply to your lives together? Yeah. How do I apply that to me, like, how I meant to act in our relationship, you know, actually work towards being a husband. Not saying, obviously, like, I'm trying to be a husband because I can't be a husband until I'm a husband. But how do I get my head in the mindset of, like, cool, I love this girl, I want to marry her. How do I kind of show signs that I can be that? Yeah. And then also then, like, from my point, how do I lead in the correct way whereby, like, what I. I guess as a man, like, you need to lead in a way where, like, it can easily be emulated because so many times where, like, I've been like, oh, my gosh, she's not doing this, she's not doing that. You know. But when I've actually taken initiative to do things or act in a certain way, it just then flows naturally from you rather than me. Right. Expecting you to, like, behave in a certain way. But I guess thinking of example would be, like, he's not controlling, by the way. I'm not controlling that he's literally anything to preference. I think it's the other way around when it gets to that point. What can I give as a good example? Would you say, like, when I am, like, forced? When I used to be forced, I. Guess we used to be forceful, like, in terms of, like, it wasn't like, you wouldn't do it. But I think there'd be a lot more frustration coming about from both parties where I'm not taking the initiative to do certain things, whether that be, you know, there have been times where. Whether it be like, I guess even if it's coming down to praying or if it's coming down to having certain discussions about, you know, our future and what we're wanting to do on a more practical stance, like planning things, for example, like, if I'm not taking those standpoints and things. I think for guys, I was doing it. Yeah. Doing it. Yeah. In the case. So we both get frustrated. And I think for guys, I think what we need to also see is like talking about faith and, you know, pushing you towards God. It's not only talking about these ultra spiritual things of like, oh, my gosh, we're praying. Oh, my gosh, we're reading because we did those things. It wasn't like we didn't do those things, but it's like how that then applies to your life. Like, for me, we were praying, we were reading, but I was so very much so a boy. So how does that apply to my life in terms of how I'm able to. Again, I was we talking about planning, even planning, like, towards events and whatnot. I'm waiting until the last minute. That's not godly, you know, me not taking initiative as a man to, like, plan towards these things. Being late, being. Being late, things like that. Like, guys, we're not just talking about, like, the spiritual things like praying. Lack of communication. Yeah. A lot of time I like, keep it held on myself and I'd be like, oh. She'd be like, oh, what about this? Oh, ye. Yeah. And then, like, I lash out. Like, why you say this? Explain that. And then other people would also lash out. Yeah. Because it's like they're like, well, why. Why didn't you explain certain things? Things. Yeah. So case like that, like, we're talking about how that flows into your life as a whole. And I think that's the important thing because I think a lot of people, I don't feel like they would necessarily have. For most people, I don't think they necessarily have an issue coming to these things, like praying together, going to church together, reading together. You know, take the little picturesque, you know, Instagram pictures of like, you know, we're eating in the park, having a picnic. It's all nice. Not. You wouldn't do these things, but it's like, okay, cool. But how does that actually flow into your life when the camera is off, when people don't see you? You know, when you guys. When like, real life hits, like, how. Is the Bible flowing from you? Is it just. Is it bleeding from you? Was it. Find this hard way to get in because you've locked the door and you've never opened it really and truly into your heart. Because I think that's where you actually truly see your growth in those areas. The health of the relationship when difficult. Times come about versus just the rosy times where you're able to, you know, do dissociate spiritual things. But, you know, you're. You're definitely right. I would say I thought about that as well. When you, When I asked this question, I was like, okay, what would I say? The massive thing for me was that I genuinely thought, if I'm a Christian, you're a Christian, we're both gonna, like, read our Bible. Like, everything will be perfect. It'd be good. There won't be any, like. Like hiccups. Yeah. And the thing is, when it comes to dating you, like, I didn't. I didn't think that so many things would come up in the sense of, like, whether it's like, how we want to live our life. You know, One of the big things was, Naz, it lives in London. Our lives are completely separate in the sense of one of us would have had to decide someone's going to have to leave. And when I first started dating Naz, I was like, yeah, like, I want to be a city girl. Like, I want to move to London. Like, I want to get out of, like, the smaller city. I want to move. And, like, as time went on, like, I realized, like, actually, no, like, I kind of want this slower life. But it took Naz a little bit longer to get to that, understandably. Like, his whole life is there. His family is there, his friends are there, his church is there. So it's not just like, as simple as, like, oh, we love each other and you're gonna move. Like, it's not really something we really talk much about, thought much about practically. Because I think we were still, like, I was a teenager, I was 19. So, like, I'm not really, like, like, really thinking. Even though when we first started dating, we were like, yeah, we'll get married in, like, two, three years. Like, with what money? With what money? With what wisdom? With what, like, anything. We started in 2021. I didn't actually start working until 2023. January. Yeah, I started working in 2021. 2021. Yeah. November. But I was on pen like peanuts. I was not making, like, good money. Yeah. And I wasn't necessarily coming into the most high paying job. No. It's like, yeah, we. We didn't have the resources. So when we would, like, talk about life, like, I remember when we first started dating, it was so idyllic. It was like, oh, like when we have our kids, like when we get married and our honeymoon, and it was like, like we had no solid idea of, like, how life would move forward, like, practically. And I think for me, that was like the biggest, like, punch in the face of how, like, a real relationship goes. Like, I have to grow up. Like, this isn't, you know, like, it's the emotional aspect of it. Like, because I remember watching an interview with Sarah J. Robertson, and they were talking about, like, a relationship will reveal the true depth of your soul. Like, this will bring out things that you didn't even know was going to be brought out. And I remember watching that video during lockdown, single, like, not, you know, in a relationship. And I was like, oh, that's cute for them, but, like, there's nothing I need to bring out. Like, I'm fine when you see the vomit. And you're like, damn. Both of us have had rough times, and not just, like, just generally. Life is rough. And it means when you're in a relationship, you have to do it together. But being in a godly relationship in which we are striving to have Christ at the center, it means that, like, there's no room for secrecy and there's no room for stagnation. So both of us will hit a roadblock. Whatever that roadblock is. Most people in relationships, they'd be like, I guess, you know, just kind of work through it and, like, just see how it goes. A, don't need to tell this person. B, like, they might judge me. C, like, we might not even get to marriage. Like, what's the point? You know, if you're just dating for vibes, like, you're not going to be thinking about that. Whereas for us, it was like, this is a literal, like, problem. Like, one example being, like, in my previous relationships, like, our first year and a bit of dating, like, I had had a lot come out in the sense of, like, hurt that I'd experienced in previous relationships. You didn't know I was talking about? Yeah, I had a lot of hurt that come. That came out. And like, when. When the hurt started, you know, coming, I was like, I can't talk about this. Like, I'm in a relationship. Like, I don't. I don't. That's not appropriate. And I don't want him to, like, lose interest in me. I don't want him to think that I'm like, a crybaby. But, like, I'm growing a deep relationship with this man. Like, I want to have, like, a loving marriage with amazing kids. Grow my entire life with him. Yeah, I can't hide these things. And I think for me, that was, like, the biggest, like, oh, but then also, as you said about just general life, stuff, like, real life. Like, I said about the. I idealized, like, idyllic idea of, like, how that, like, we would, like, go, like, to IKEA and stuff. Like, oh, like, my gosh. Like, don't get me wrong. Like, that's cute. We had, like, no foundation, and we just assumed that we would get from point A to point B with no journey, no stress. Yeah. No, like, challenge challenges. We. We're different people. We've been raised in different places by different families and different cultures. We have different ideas of how life should be. So it's not just like, we are Christian, and there's just, you know, there's a lot more to it boxes. There's so many more gray areas that we've had to work through, pray through, seek, counsel on. And I think for me, that was just the biggest difference. Yeah. Of how you go about things. Yeah. That's good. One of the other things, I think, when it comes to spiritual growth within the relationship and, like, the stagnation of it is the concept of temptation. And not even. Okay, like, we'll go into, like, sexual temptation, but I think also distraction. We'll start with that because it's a little bit easier. And I think it kind of trickles into temptation because that is an aspect of distraction. Yeah. But I think one of the great things about us that people always ask, like, how do you do it? Like, oh, my gosh, how do you handle this? Is the idea of long distance being. We have had no choice but to be our own people. Yeah. And it's almost pushed us to not be distracted. I think especially more so within the last, what, like, year and a half? I'd say that's been more apparent. But, yeah. And I think long distance definitely helped in terms of we. I think the. We always talk about it in terms of people. There's not any judgments. People who, like, live in the same city. Yeah. But we would love to. We would love to. Yeah. 100. But it's like, I think it can be very easy when you're living in the same city to just kind of get so caught up in each other. It's not, like, a bad thing. Again, you need to make sure you have time for your partner and whatnot. But just in case, like, especially if you're living, like, within the vicinity of, like, 10 minutes or so. Yeah. Some people might do. It's like, well, I'm just gonna go to theirs after work. I'm just gonna go to theirs before work. I'm just gonna go to theirs. Yeah. Like, you've not actually taken time for, I guess, seeing friends, just having your own personal time to, you know, study the word by yourself, to get to speak with, you know, family, to like go out and go for a run, go to the gym. You can't keep your identity. Yeah. Just because you're dating. And even when you're married, you still need that individuality. But especially when you're dating because you're still single. And for our age, and I know a lot of the demographic of people that watch my videos, you guys are like the teenage to early 20s to mid, maybe late. But even like late 20s, you're still figuring yourself out. Like, you're still a young person who needs to, like, figure out who am I? And when this person comes on, I am not only Eldi, because I have Naz, I'm Elodie. And I'm blessed to have Naz, but Elodie is still a core person who's, like, solidified in herself, her identity, her faith. And you just add to that blessing. Exactly 100%. So temptations in relationships. I think for me, there are so many different reasons as to why your faith can start to dwindle when you're in a relationship. One of the biggest ones being who you choose. Like, really and truly, you could be great in your own personal faith, but don't date someone that's a project. Like, whilst they have. They're not going to be perfect and they're going to have potential. You have potential. But I didn't pick you up because I thought, oh, you know, he's just like a lost soul and he needs love, you know, Like, I. I liked you because I saw that you were trying to be like, a person in your own right, a man of God in your own right. Yes. You were young, but so was I. Yeah, we both. I found out that you gave. I found out that Naz gave his life to Christ on my birthday, by. The way, as the Lord would have it. That's crazy. So we were talking about in the car and I. I always just assume it was like, in February and, like, I gave my life to Christ, like, in February as well, but I was just like, oh, we kind of gave it our lives to Christ, like, similar time. And he was like, yeah, like on the 5th. I was like, on the 5th, 2020. That's crazy. I think the choice is really important, who you choose. I want to ask you from, like, a guy's perspective, because I'm always talking about from a girl's perspective on, like, choosing a man. I think everyone's heard me ramble on. I actually did my last episode about that. Yeah, go check it out. From a guy's perspective. Thank you. From a guy's perspective, what would you look out for? Like, just like quick fire in a woman of God. And then also at what point do you feel like you are capable to choose the right person. Things? Obviously, I can't go out and be a hypocrite because of course I came into a relationship, I didn't have every single thing figured out. Yeah. Now I won't say like, oh, yeah, be like me, how I am now, how to begin each relationship. Because then I don't know, like, it's not really giving room for many people to kind of grow and feel like they need to be perfect before entering into this relationship. But I would say, I guess, I could guess easy. Speaking on about the girls, as you said now, I guess looking for security in that they aren't looking for external validation. And that can be numerous things. But yeah, I think that's. That's like a main thing. You can look at things like, oh my gosh, how, how they dress or how they, you know, act, how they speak, how they treat their friends and do things like that. But it all stems down to whether they feel secure or not within their relationship with Christ. So obviously I can pick out all the smaller, different topics, but I think that's like the main key thing. And then for myself, for a guy, I think it's like, do you have growth in mind? I would say is like the key thing. I wouldn't say, like, you need to have this much money, you need to have walked with Christ for this long. But I think if you have an understanding of, I guess, somewhat vision for your life, where you want to go to and yeah, like a decent foundation to build off with Christ, plus the mindset of growth, I think that's what's kind of allowed us to kind of get through. I guess in terms of my side, I wouldn't say I've been perfect, but I think because I've continually wanted to grow and you know, when I fall or when I make mistakes, when I see that, okay, I maybe not being the best right now. I take. I take it on board. Even if I've been stubborn initially. Yeah, I'll take it on board and I'll be like, okay, cool. God, actually. Yeah, check me now. So I guess probably all summed up in humility, actually. To be. To be honest, because to want to grow, to want to take correction on board, to want to understand and hear from your partner as a man, especially where we can be quite prideful, like, be like, what's she talking about? It comes down to humility. You know, I'm sending. This woman isn't here to just speak at you and point things out and make you look bad. She only saying certain things because she wants you to be better and she sees who God has called you to be. God's given that sort of insight to your life in that personal space between the two of you. So her calling these things out aren't to call you out, especially if she's doing it in a private space. She's not calling out in front of your friends, not calling you out in front of your family. It's between you two. And she's just saying, babe, I don't like the way you do this kind of thing. You need to kind of just improve that. But she also, like, champions you, and she also encourages you in what you're doing. Well, don't take it like it's an insult. Just take a walk. Be like, you know what she's saying. Is it correct? Look at yourself and be like, okay, you know what? She's actually speaking facts. And then go back and address that simply as. But, yeah, what would you say in regards to temptation and how that gets. In the way of spiritual growth in. A relationship, having God at the center? I guess if you're obviously getting into sexual temptation, like, and like, you know, indulging, they can obviously. Shame can obviously creep in, whereby it's like, oh, my gosh, we're in a Christian relationship, and, yeah, we're doing these things that we used to do or what other people in the world might be doing. Shame can creep in. And then there's that kind of distancing from God because then it's like, you won't actually address it. It's kind of like, okay, cool, we've done this thing. Maybe we enjoy it, but also, like, we feel kind of bad. So you might not speak with God about it and probably not speaking of God about it. There's more room for more temptation. And it kind of snowballs. And before you know it, you guys haven't prayed together, done any Bible reading together, anything, which is, like, godly together. And then you're not. You're not doing your own space either, because it's also a case of like, well, you know, that was nice what we did last time. So it's like, let's do it again. And then it's like you're making these plans to do, you know, the freaky freak rather than actually going about to do something which is more wholesome. So I think that changes, like, the Trajectory of how you like your goal. What your focus is. Yeah. Day to day, in terms of actually, like, making, like, cute meetups, you know, to do things. I'm not saying it needs to be like you're reading the Bible, but if it's simple, as, you know, you're watching a movie, you're going to the park rather than this, you're actually making plans to just go back to each other's yards. And. Yeah, that's true. And you start to be idle. And I think. Yeah, as you said, it's really true in the sense of. I think your. The health of your relationship will show the health of, like, the health of your relationship. As in your. You and your boyfriend shows the health of your relationship with your heavenly father. Yeah. Because if I am cutting corners with Nazi, if I am treating myself like an object, treating him like an object, if I am willing to blur lines and say one thing, but do another and not respect the plans in which God has for my life and for Naz's life, how on earth, when I'm in the secret place, when Naz isn't around, when no one is around, am I even in the secret place? Yeah. And how does my secret life represent a life with Christ? Because you're, like. You're in a very vulnerable position. I think when you're in a relationship because you have a walking temptation next to you. Yeah. Because you are in love. It is someone of the other sex, and you fancy them. You clearly like their face. You like being around them. So you are not just tempted by everything else in the world, but you're tempted by someone in the flesh, but also someone that's godly. Like Naz is godly. Me liking Naz, me wanting to marry Naz, having that desire to be intimate in marriage is a good thing. Yeah. Which then means that the devil will do everything possible to blur that line and say, oh, well, you can have a little bit now. Yeah, now. But it's like, no, but he's good. But he's like, that part of him is only good in marriage. Yeah. Everything else, being around him. Enjoy. Like, we're gonna go to the cinema after this. Like, doing fun stuff with him is all good now, but it's how that translates to. Okay, how do I deal with the more murky stuff? I think this kind of goes nicely into the next aspect, which is, what is the purpose of your relationship when you're in a Christian relationship? Why? Like, what? What's the reason? And I think a lot of Christians see dating in the concept of how they see the world in dating, which is it's for me, oh, I want a godly relationship. I want like a man that loves me. I want a man that buys me flowers, like reads the Bible. It's always I, I, I. And not like I want to be in a relationship so I can understand the love that Christ has poured out for me. And I think if you don't know that, if you don't recognize that this relationship that you are going into is about a journey of sacrifice. Yeah. You will be pushed away from God because if you see it as a self serving, flesh fulfilling thing, even if you're doing it so say in the confines of like, what's a good Christian nation? Like, you could like not have sex before marriage. You could, you know, do the typical. We date, we get engaged, we get married, we have kids, like whatever. You can do all of that. But if you're doing that in vain of what you want out of life and not how you can serve, you're going to be miserable. That's how a lot of people end up really bitter though, isn't it? Because they've done the whole checkbox, as you would call it, as you said. But you end up, you know, five, six, seven, 10 years married, but you both quite bitter. Yeah. How would you say you would define the purpose of a Christian relationship? I don't think I want to like make it to. I mean, obviously, like it should be spiritual, not like, I'm not trying to make it over spiritual, but in terms of every single person needs to be like, we need to go on, you know, you know, mission trips and we need to be preaching to like the global stages. It can be very simple as like your local community. But I think it's to make Christ known and the love of Christ known. An example. An example. And that can be as simple as to your children. Because how many broken homes do we see? How many broken homes? And from those broken homes, how much more brokenness do we see coming out from those broken homes? As simple as we want to be Christ to our children. And that flows from generation to generation to generation. And you will have a blessed generation if you guys make the priority, like, our home will be a blessed space. Our children will know the love of God. They will know what it means to serve. They will know what it means to sacrifice. They will know what it means to pour out love and to give it wholeheartedly without, you know, holding back based on someone's mistakes or, you know, flaws. They will know Grace within that home, they will know that, you know, mum and dad are unit. Yeah. And you know, the way in which mum and dad love each other, knowing which they love me, Christ loves me. So I think even as simple as that, to make that your mission is a beautiful thing because I think a lot of people try to keep outside and then they neglect the home and then, you know, we see brokenness against or even though, like we want to be Christian. It's like it can be as simple as within your home. But I think, yeah, I guess even except outside of your home, to make Christ known, for people to know the love of Christ and to see the goodness of God through your relationship, however that might be, it can apply to very various different contexts. But yeah, I think that's what I'd say. Yeah, I would agree. I would say if you're purposeless in dating, you'll be purposeless in your pursuit of Christ. Because if you aren't going about it in the sense of this is for something more than me. Yeah. Not even just for, for him, like I'm dating him and loving him and wanting to serve him in marriage as a strong woman of God, because I don't see it just about myself, but as Naz said, it's. It springs forth into ministry. It needs to be bigger than us. Yeah. If that, if that's not what your focus is, you're going to be way more likely to be pushing God away. Because God doesn't do anything without purpose. Meaning he wants to use this process as a sanctification process in the sense of you are already sanctified in Christ. But I want to show you the sanctification that comes with when you are challenged. The sanctification, the refining period that comes with, I am in this relationship not because I want to be satisfied in any area, not because I just want it because I deserve it, but because God has so gracefully blessed me and given me redemption. How can I pour that out for someone else? Yeah. I think it also helps you in terms of like encouraging and pushing your partner on to grow as well. Yeah, I think some, often we can be focused on our own growth and not saying you need to literally drag your partner through, because I don't think that's healthy, especially if it's like over sustained periods. But I should be encouraging you to grow, challenge you in certain areas, as you should. To me, you know, the whole thing of iron sharpens iron. It's like same thing for a romantic, you know, relationship. You do iron sharpens iron. And one man sharpens another. It's so important because we're meant to be. Well, it's meant to be, as you said, stagnant. We're meant to be growing. I think that's also you talked about, like the whole, the yucky stuff, the muck that comes up. It's like, oh, my gosh, that's scary. But it's like, no, that's good because when you're sharpening iron, it's not a tidy process. It's very messy. It's loud and extravagant. There's sparks flying. You're like, oh my gosh, something's going to catch a light. But no, you finish it. The blacksmith has finished sharpening the iron and you're like, wow, this is a beautiful piece. Yeah. And that's what God wants to do with us. He wants to do with us individually, but also as a relationship, he wants to make us a beautiful masterpiece. Because imagine if, Imagine if we just didn't go through what we went through in our different things in our relationship. I think we'd just be so shallow. We would. That's your favorite word. I love the word shallow. Yeah. No, I, I genuinely think that. I think about our lives now. Even though we're not even married, we have such testimony to share. Like when we get to that point of sharing. Yeah. In the sense of how God is works in our lives and just the purpose that we now have individually, like, we are a team. I think that's the most beautiful thing about it is, like, I don't see my relationship with Naz is just like, oh, we just have fun and we like take selfies and whatever. Like, I am so committed to investing in your life and seeing your life thrive, even when it's not just to do with me. Like, yes, like, I'm going to be his wife and I'm going to be part of his household and reap the benefits with him. But you just having passion for what you do, you like thriving in your own life. I think that really does. That keeps me praying for you the way that I do because I love you. But I pray for you because I see God's purpose on your life and God's vision on your life. And if you don't get to that point where you, you see that in your relationship, you're gonna fall into the trap of the self seeking prayers of like God. I just pray that he does this for me. It's like, Lord, I just pray that Naz is growing in his own relationship with you, that he fulfills all the things. And when you grow in that relationship with him or her, you know what they want. And you. You've talked together about vision. So we've obviously talked about all of these things. And you might be thinking practically, how do we do this? Maybe we'll just like, just talk about us. Not necessarily tips. You can kind of see how it's lived out rather than just like, just, oh, my gosh, how does this apply to me? Actually, I get you. Yeah. Yeah. So you go first. Okay. Well, something which we've been really intentional about doing in recent is just praying together before we finish speaking on the phone. It's because I'm saying, like, my boy Leke shout out to Leche encouraged me to do was just like, yeah, when you're come off the phone, just like, you know, pray together. Call before you're going to bed and just pray. I'm like, okay, Mark, I didn't want to do it, but I'm like, okay, I get it. But it's like, it makes such an important thing because again, for one, it keeps God in the sense of what all that we are doing. We rounded up a conversation, our discussions, like, okay, cool, good. We're bringing this back, always leading it back to you. And also a case of like, my mindfulness towards her, because again, like, we don't to ever come to the point where we're saying, yeah, completely ignore your partner. Get ultra spiritual. Just be in your Bible and neglect your partner. No, because I think God calls you to be like having a. If you're leading towards marriage. Yeah, you're not making partner. So then it also, again, keeps your mind on God first and foremost. Then for your partner, it puts them onto your mind also, because you're doing this thing between you guys. So as I always say in the prayer, it's like, God, I thank you for that. We're able to do this to draw closer to you, but also you're using this to enable us to be drawn closer to one another. And that's kind of every single thing you should be doing. That should. That's how it should be onto God. And then from there, he's given. He's given to us, but he's given to us in the first place. That's how we're able to pray. But he so graciously again, gives us again and continually gives us that we're able to experience this with one another. Yeah. One thing as well, that I always pray because I think, as I said in the sense of this, the selfishness, I think A lot of people don't realize when you're in a relationship and you're constantly pushing, pushing, pushing God away, and you're, you know, maybe getting into certain habits or you're just forgetting about God, you're just going through the motions, and it's just a very shallow. That word again, Christian relationship. A lot of it comes down to pride. And I think we could go into the whole concept of, like, how you can constantly be pointing fingers at your partner. I think one of the main things I'm always praying to God is help me to serve him better. Help me to be a better person for him, a better woman for him. Help me to, like, live out the characteristics that you have called me to live out. Help me to be that person that he can come to, that he can lean on. Help me to be kind. Help me to be giving. Help me to be selfless. Because I think when you've got that recognition of this relationship that you have is literally a not challenge, but it is almost a way, as you said, the iron sharpens iron. It's a way that you can grow. It's meant to perfect you. Like, the same way you get around your church friends or your community, your pastor, whatever it is. And you expect growth. The goal is growth. Yeah. You do the exact same in this relationship. You're not meant to stay the same. Like, it's when people say in relationships, oh, he's not the same person I met. Obviously that can be bad. Yeah. But that's kind of the point. Sometimes you are not the person I met. If you were still that person, I would not be in love with you because I'd be like, right, okay, we need to get better now. I think it's a point of choosing right, though, because sometimes, of course, as you say, like, it can come from places where, like, they've changed for the worse. But sometimes we need to look at ourselves and be like, sometimes we're a bit insecure, and we actually have been taking growth on for ourselves. So this person has changed and they've become better, but because you somewhat feel left behind, so they've changed. They're not doing certain things. Let's even take consideration of, like, temptation. This person's changed. They don't have sex anymore. That's a good thing. Yeah. I don't see it as rejection. It's not rejection. They want to protect you. Let's say it's even the man or even the woman. They don't want to have sex anymore. It's a good thing. They Want to be able to pursue God wholeheartedly and do it in the right way. It's not rejection. You also take on the challenge to elevate yourself to that level. Also to bring. Come to understanding rather than look at them, be like, what are they doing? They've changed. Yeah. You know, don't knock someone's growth. You know, that's true. Encourage them in that area. Don't try to compete with each other. No, it's not. It's not. You might be encouraged by them. And don't see, like, when someone's, you know, choosing to move in a different way that you're like, oh, they're just trying to. Yeah, like, knock me. Or like, whatever. You should be like, you know what? You're actually right. One thing I think we've gotten a lot better in, in the sense of acknowledging where we went wrong. Oh, yeah. Different things. You're looking at me blank again. So, like. Oh, yeah. So I was trying to pick it up, but yeah. And I think one of the other things, outside of, like, obviously the basic. We have a lot of quiet time with ourselves outside of our relationship with each other. We've not only grown a lot in our relationship with each other, we are so much stronger of people. I think that the quiet time as well kind of leads on to. In terms of being an individual, we both have our Christian communities, our Christian friends, people that we can lean on and grow with. We're not doing this. This on our own, which is really important because if you are just around people who are going to be doing the same thing as you in the sense of, like, a very shallow Christian relationship where you're kind of going through the motions or even just not. You're not around Christian people in general, how do you expect yourself to grow? Whereas if you're around, you know, the body of Christ, they're not going to let you get away with that. Your friends aren't going to let you get away with that. They will check you, as I'd be like, now what are you doing? Yeah, yeah. And then I also think as well, for us making time for intentional conversations, whether that's Bible study, whether that is. We have a question book, which I don't know if you guys know Kyan. Her name's Wolfgang. Now, what was Kyan Tilton before she's a Christian YouTuber. Yeah. Before she got married, her and her husband did a book called 101 Questions to Ask before you get engaged, a Christian book. And me and ours have been doing that. And it has been really helpful, to be honest. It kind of does show how not. Well, we've done, like, all glory to God, but in the sense of so many questions come up that might be, like, really tough for some people. And it's good that we've talked about a lot of them. Like, there are a lot of them that has come up that we've been like, oh, we've never discussed this at all. Yeah. And I think that does show, like, even with the distraction thing that we talked about earlier, ensure that you are. When you're together, you are together. Like, yes. Me and Naz, we like, going out and, like, you know, watching a movie or going out to, like, a theme park or whatever. Like, yes, they went on a long walk in the Cotswolds and we. I was, like, exhausted, but we had, like, so many deep conversations, like, the whole time. Yeah. And we. It's just like, who we are in the sense of, like, we just want to get to know more about each other. We just enjoy having those times. So, like, when you are together, be together. Like. Like ask those questions, have those conversations. It's not awkward. It's not difficult. It's not, oh, why she's always being deep. Yeah. If. If that person takes it that way. Like, I love having deep conversations. Yeah. I think, like, don't get me wrong, we like joking about and being silly, but we always. We're always ending up on a deep conversation. And also, don't be robotic. Like, stop with this Christianese nonsense. Of course, ask the deep questions in regards to faith, because that's so important. Yeah. It builds a foundation. But it can be as simple as, like, get told me a time where you, like, you know what we like in school. Tell me about your friends. Yeah. It doesn't always have to be. Doesn't have to be, like, Godly. Like, it's Godly. It's godly because it doesn't always have. To be, like, yeah, I have to quote scripture when I reply to him. You know, like a ceremony God has given you in a personality is that I meant to gel mesh together. And if you're just always talking about Bible, it's like, I can do that with. I can have any sister down the road. Yeah. It's like, what are we doing that's different? You know, what's the inside? I'm getting to your life that Johnny next door doesn't. That's kind of pretty much it. Yeah. Did you enjoy. I did enjoy this. You know, having a mic. Yeah. You guys have to actually like, you know, go into the comments, just create a poll, and, like, if you want. Me back, then maybe I need to create a point. I can't create a poll in the video, but I can create a separate poll. You can? Yeah. Yeah. So if you guys. Sorry, guys, but I pray that this video blessed you, this podcast blessed you. We definitely don't have it. All right? We. We know that we're not perfect, but we have grown in a really good understanding of what God has done in our relationship, and we pray that it can be a blessing to you guys. Amen. But, yeah, I love you guys so much. Thanks, Naz, for being here. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah. I'll talk to you guys in the next episode. See you. See you. Bye.