i'm engaged! a testimony to God's faithfulness.

this homegirl is a FIANCÉE 🥹💍 this is one of the most surreal moments of my life, and i couldn’t wait to share it with you all. 

if you’ve been on this journey with me - from my teenage years, to coming to Christ, to the ups and downs of relationships - you’ve seen how God has MOVED in my life.

in this episode, i'm just reflecting on my engagement to Nas, what this moment means to me, and how God has worked so intentionally in my life.

I also wanted to encourage you all that is a testimony of God’s faithfulness. how He restores, redeems, and aligns everything for His glory.

Transcript

0:09

It, you know, when I announced this engagement, all I could think about was telling YouTube and, like, I could genuinely get emotional about it right now. Like, guys, don't get me started. I. I just got like, Hannah Montana, like, music going on in my brain right now. Like, it's the climb. Like, there's always gonna be another mountain. Anyways, let me not get copyrighted. I'm just deep in, like, you know, like, when they do like, the, the montages in Disney Channel where, like, kind of goes through a period. Like, I'm, I'm looking at my life that day when I decided to do my top five tips for curly hair at 15 years old in year 10, I'm seeing the times stop because I. That I don't. I don't. I'm not a person that cries on YouTube. Right. I'm very good at holding in my emotions, especially when it's just me talking. Like, why am I crying if I'm praying, that's very different. But if I'm just, like, talking to a camera, why am I crying for? But it's because I'm thinking about you guys and like, even though, like, you guys aren't here with me, like, you're watching this now, but, like, right now I'm just talking to a camera. Like, I feel like I'm like, like this is a moment for all of us. I'm seeing my whole life go from that little girl who decided, well, childhood as well. But I'm just thinking of, like, my life has been documented through every season from that time, from early teenage years. And we have gone all the way. You know, you guys have seen me, like, start my GCSEs, finish my GCSEs, apply for college, get into college, do all of my A levels. Then we got hit with lockdown. You've seen me go through, even though you didn't know. You've. You've been there when I've gone through a lot of my heartbreaks and a lot of my dark periods of life. You've seen me come out of lockdown a born again Christian. Those of you who have transitioned from the old channel to the new channel, you know about that. And you've seen me meet the love of my life. You've seen me start jobs, get into my career. You've seen me grow up, and now you're seeing me get married. Well, engaged and married. And God is so good. God is. He's a good God. And I am just so excited to be able to experience this with all of you. It feels so surreal, honestly, like, and I felt so bad because I obviously posted it on my Instagram. I know obviously most of you follow me over on Instagram anyway, but I posted on my Instagram. That was obviously the main place that I wanted to announce that I was engaged. And then I did Tick tock. And I only did YouTube yesterday, so that was Thursday and. Or today. I can't remember when I did it, but I felt bad, but I wanted to, like, really put the effort in of, like, telling you, like, you guys get the full tea on everything. And for me, it just felt like such a full circle moment to be able to announce to the homegirls that I am engaged. And I am gonna do, like, a full episode with Naz where we are gonna go through everything. I'm gonna grill him, I'm gonna ask him all the questions that everyone wants to know about Naz planning this engagement and actually getting away with it. Because, newsflash, I had no idea. I knew we were going to get engaged at one point. It was gonna happen. He said, when he runs his half marathon, I will be a fiance. His half marathon is coming up to six weeks now. And I was like, oh, I've got, like. Back then, I was like, oh, I've just got like eight, nine weeks till I get engaged. Which was exciting and of itself, like, two months or less, I could be engaged. So I was, like, expecting it. I don't know when. And he had done really well and making sure that I wouldn't know that it was going to be when we went away. We went to Malaga, and that was where he proposed to me. I'll put some pictures on the screen. If you're listening. Head over to either my YouTube or go to my Instagram and you can see all the pictures on there. Yeah, I had no idea. And I will save the full story till I'm with Naz, because he can, like, give his two cents. But I would love that podcast to be in the format of a Q A. So if you guys have any questions about the engagement, or just like us, our lives, our plans, weddings, house, children, jobs, whatever it may be, me and Naz are going to answer all of them. So leave them in the comments below. Drop me a message on my Instagram, whatever. And obviously Naz is really excited to be back on the podcast, especially now to talk about something that he has been wanting to talk about forever. And I think when we did the podcast, he told my parents the day after when he came on the podcast last time or the first time he's not been on the podcast before. When he came on the podcast the last time, the day after, he told my parents, well, ask my parents for my hand in marriage. Everyone was like, oh, did your parents know? It's like, he did it the right way, girl. He went and asked my parents, and I won't tell you that story because it's not my story to tell Naz's story, but he wanted to tell them that day. And something like, everything kept happening, and I was just in the way, clearly, like, I wasn't getting out of the way because obviously I needed to, like, not be there. So he was able to tell them the day after. So, yeah, it has been a whirlwind of the last few weeks. I'm still in the height of it, really. Like, part of me thought, oh, it's gonna, like, quiet down now. And I think because we are planning our wedding as we speak, it's not quieting down, like, in the best way. Like, I want the excitement to remain. I think it's really nice to go from, like, oh, my gosh, we're engaged, and, like, all of that, and then, like, straight into the wedding planning, because it just keeps the excitement alive. For me, personally, I'm just looking at this ring when I tell you I'm getting lost in conversations. I'm tripping over my words. I'm walking into lamp posts because this baby is shining. Oh, my goodness gracious. And women, if you are engaged or, like, you've thought of being, you know, in a relationship at some point, getting married, whatever, you can even think in theory, even if you're not there at this point. But the women that are engaged, when you're a man pays attention to what you like. Nothing tops it, because he just. He did that. He started to do all the research in terms of what the right ring was. And, yeah, it was exactly what I wanted and more. I had an idea in my mind, but I still hadn't seen the ring that I thought, yeah, like, I could wear that every day. And I'm a bit. I'm a basic girl. I wanted a plain gold band with a rock. It's not a boulder, it's a rock. She sure is. And she's perfect as well. Like, for me, I didn't want one too big because I felt like I wear basic jewelry all the time. I feel like if you're a bit more glam, like a bigger rock, you would have gone, big girl. But for me, this is perfect. And it's. It's Definitely eye catching, I'll tell you that. Shining in people's faces, blinding people. I've been to like, put it away when I'm like on the road, because if I flash that to someone whilst I drive in, gotta pray for them, they'll be crashing. But yeah, amazing. But in this episode, I kind of just wanted to just do like a quick encouragement, a quick sharing of a testimony, my testimony, but also an encouragement to everyone out there. It could be in to do with relationships. Obviously this is about relationships. But if there is that thing that you feel so little hope for, something that you've given up on, something that you feel like will never go the way that you envisioned it, or even not even envisioned, because I don't want to talk out of flesh because there's a lot of the times there's things that we desire that aren't in God's plans or maybe not in the timing of God. But if God has put something in your heart or you felt like the enemy has robbed you of something, God is a restorer of all things. And I say this in just beyond gratitude, you guys. If you have been here throughout the journey, you have seen the ups and downs with me and my mental health with me and my insecurities. You've heard my testimony on how I came to Christ. It all started with a broken heart. I became a Christian because of a broken heart. And it was times after, times after times that I had trusted a boy that I really shouldn't have trusted, fell in love when I shouldn't have fallen in love, had hope where I shouldn't have had hope, not in that scenario and also not even in myself either. I wasn't at a stage that I could have even handled a relationship. And I was just a shell of a person. I really was. And I desired men's attention to satisfy what was deep within me. And God gave me that. Before I ever met Naz, God satisfied that desire that I was trying to get. Well, it was legitimate needs, trying to be fulfilled illegitimately. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be cherished. I wanted to have the void in me filled. All of these things are great things, but if you are doing it not through God, even through what God gifts you, those, you shouldn't get those things from, that ultimately the core thing should be from God. Because all of these things down here, the horizontal, the world, humans can all let you down. Naz can still let me down, even though he is my fiance and God has blessed me with him to one day be my Husband. I, I, we are both human and he can very much let me down. He has let me down. I've let him down. Only God can fulfill us through all periods of life. And yeah, I just want to say that first and foremost, but the fact that I am here at the age that I am and the maturity that I have gained, I don't give any glory to myself. I don't. I simply don't. Because how me and Naz's relationship has developed. First of all, our relationship with God before we even met each other. Our testimonies in of themselves are incredible. And just an FYI, if you guys didn't hear, in my last episode with Naz, Naz gave his life to Christ on my birthday. And like, I'm not a person of signs. I'm not someone who yaps on about things like that, but that seems a little bit too foretelling of what the future holds. Well held. And I also gave my life to Christ in the same month as him. We had a lot of crossovers just in our lives in general. So God is really just. God's just cool. Like God, God's good in like the big things and God's good in the small things as well. Our testimonies in of themselves were incredible, but our testimonies together as a couple, God has moved in such mighty ways. And we definitely do want to share. Even on Tick Tock, I did a video talking about our break that we went through and a lot of people have been commenting on it, asking us loads of questions, and we definitely can answer that. Do like a full video on that as well. But if you guys have any, like, questions in for the next video that we do with Naz, maybe we can do two. We can do one is like general Q A. We can also do one about our break as well. Different people saying different things. And it's clearly something that a lot of people are going through or worrying about or wondering if it works and if it doesn't. So we definitely will share a lot about that. But yeah, this time last year, me and Naz were still on a break, a very extended break. Naz will give his 2 cents on that because it was actually I, I let him handle when he felt like he was ready. Despite my frustrations, this, this break was for both of us, don't get me wrong. But this break was for Naz. A lot of things that Naz had to work through. And for me wanting to support him in that, I felt like he, if he was gonna end the break he had to end the break. It wasn't me ending it. So I just trusted that God would guide him through every step of the way. But this time last year, we were like, doing okay. Like, we didn't go full no contact, but our like lovey dovey romance side of our relationship was like, just not there. Like, we just didn't have it. And yeah, it was, it was, it was weird. Like, I think now how we are. If someone told us that we go back to this, I would actually be really shocked because there was times in this period, especially this time last year, that I was like, am I gonna have to end it? Like, is this worth it? Am I forcing something that is not meant to be? Do I save us both the hassle and just break up? And that is insane to think, but the fact that God has worked on us, especially over the last, I say nine months, ish. God has moved in our lives in ways that I can't even explain. And he's healed things that I didn't think were possible to be healed. And I am just now engaged, both of us, just in complete admiration and awe for the work that God has done. And I think for me especially seeing the seasons of life that I have gone in and come out of and then maybe gone back in certain times with my mental health, with fear, with anxiety and t. To get to this point, because this is about me and Naz. This is about me and Naz and. And me and Naz will go more into our love and our romance together in the next episode. But for me, this feels like a massive milestone that I've. I've gotten over. But I. And I thought, yes, and I've prayed and I've declared over my life and I've done the hard stuff, but when I really think of it from a bird's eye view, God construct every single part of it. And I flowed into this season. I flowed into it with ease that I know that I would not have had if I didn't have God on my side. The work that God has done in and through me to get here is only by his grace. And yes, there's things as tips that I can give you guys in regards to growing up, moving forward, dealing with heartbreak, all of that. But it all comes out of the outpouring of God. And I think of the girl that I was when I gave my life to Christ, the lack of maturity that I had, the fear that I had, the viewpoints on men, the viewpoints on marriage. Like, I didn't. I didn't want marriage. At certain points, I felt like marriage wasn't exciting because I. In all of my relationships, they never got deep enough. And whilst I was heartbroken when they ended, I got high off of, like, the new experiences with men. So I always wanted something new. I didn't. I couldn't, in my head, think in certain times. I was like, oh, maybe I could marry this person. But, like, when it ended and there was something new, I was like, yeah, this is, like, this is where it's at. Like, I want the new experiences. I want the new experiences. I want to, like, go through the heartbreak, boss up a little bit, and then, like, get with another guy and have the whole flirting experience, that whole thing. So when I thought about marriage, I was like, this is boring. And in theory, I would like it, but I'm worried that, like, they're gonna lose interest in me, I'm gonna lose interest in them, and it just wouldn't work out. And God has really moved in me massively in so many areas. Like, even my maternal instincts. There was a time where I didn't want children. Like, I was really genuinely debating it. And, like, even Naz seen me because I'm like, oh, am I even going to be good with kids? I wasn't sure. Then I was like, maybe I only want one. Then I was like, no, I don't want any. And, like, I was like, they're like a restriction to my life. And as I continue to grow with Naz, I desire children more. And I'm not saying that you have to have children if you get married. I'm not saying that at all. Because God will move in every way that he feels fit for your life and for your family's life in terms of you and your husband. But clearly God wanted that for me, but I was, like, acting out of fear. If you're not wanting children because of your personal decision to not have children, girl, you do you like. We don't need more mums on this earth that don't want children. Which is why I didn't want to force myself to have children, which is why I didn't want to force myself to have children. But when I started feeling those maternal instincts, it was when God was moving in my life in so many areas. Me and Naz were growing in our relationship with each other, and he put things together in such a beautiful way. And it's even just like, my life, me and Naz's lives, our careers, our maturity. Like, this is, like, not just marriage. This is, like, the start of the rest of our lives. We are going to be getting a flat together. We are going to be. Well, I'm moving out for the first time. Naz has moved out for uni, but I have never moved out from this house. I've been in this room since I was 14. I was in the smaller room up until that point. I have lived in this house for my whole life. This is gonna be my first time experiencing all of that. And yeah, it's just, it's such an exciting season. Planning a wedding, it's exciting, it's expensive, but it's exciting. And I am just. Yeah, I just want to encourage all of you really to keep your eyes on God. Because there was times in my life, but in my relationship with Naz as well, I just lost all hope and all desire. It was almost like I just wanted to give up and God would not let me. And I think when you are in a season, if God calls something to work out, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a. Another relationship, that's not romantic, just a platonic relationship with your children, with your brother, with your sister, with your niece, with your nephew, with your mum, with your dad, if it's a career, if it's a certain opportunity that you feel like the time has passed, but you keep getting that nudging from God. I can assure you that it's not the focus on the thing, it's the focus on God that brings you through it and brings you through it in a way that is so beautifully orchestrated by him. If you guys were to look at my relationship, be in those moments, be a fly on the wall and seeing the different things that me and Naz have had to combat both together and individually, you would know that this is a work of God, period. And to not give up, to not give up, not on the situation, because I think every time I looked at the situation, I felt hopeless. When I looked at God, I felt hope in regardless of what, what that was going to bring, I was okay, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. In theory, if I think in my. My Christ like brain, in theory, I was okay with breaking up with Naz in the flesh. Girl, you wouldn't have heard of, heard from me for a hot minute. I would have been down bad. Because me and that man, I don't care what seasons we have been in. Times I have been upset with him, angry at him, felt let down. Times that I have let him down and not felt like I was capable of loving him in the way that I should. I love that man to the very end of the earth. Which is why when we went on our break, I said to him, if it means that we have to break up so you can truly be happy and walk in the things of God, I will do it a million times because I love him outside of me. That's what I said to him. I love you outside of me and I have a sacrificial love for you that like, I had to think about it. I had like, let me not cry right now. I had to think if I was out one day and I saw Naz with another woman, married, maybe with kids, I would have to be happy for him. Because whilst I wanted it to be with me, and I'm so glad it's with me, and I'm glad that we get to do life together, there was a time where I had to really think about that. And I thought, yeah, if that means that he is happy and he is thriving and he is doing what God has called him to do, I will let go. Even though I didn't want anyone else, I was like, naz, if you want to move on, I have to firm it because it's not. It's not my life. You do what you're doing. I was like, I was at a point where, like, yes, I'd gotten over the fact that, like, maybe I wasn't going to be with him, but like, God, God was finding it very hard to convince me that I would actually want a relationship after. Now, obviously, I didn't have to think that far. So that's obviously why God didn't assure me on that. Because he was like, baby girl, like, he's for you, but you just need to have some patience. But I was like, I'm gonna just be single. I'm gonna be a cat lady. I'll get like two or three cats and I might live at home for a very long time and then move out into a one bed flat and have a cat. That was kind of what, where I was at. But God, yeah, he did it, he did a good thing. But regardless, I think the beauty of that was that I knew that regardless of what route my life took, if it was in the will of God, I would have been satisfied. And even if the devil really tried and schemed, without God, I am nothing. So even if the devil broke us up, we went our separate ways. And it wasn't what God wanted us to do. It was like, God can still be good in that. And I know that I'm talking from a Very privileged point of view of like, oh, it all worked out for you, though. Like, you're engaged and you. I'm still waiting on my man, or I don't even have a man, period, or things are really rocky and I've had a divorce. Like, I. I can't talk through all of those things, but I can promise you that I have been in the scenarios where I've had nothing but God to trust in. And I just think, like, the spiritual growth that I've gone through, regardless of like this on my finger, even though this is a testament to that God has moved and I am grateful and I am so in awe of the woman that he has made in me. And I don't mean that in like a prideful way, but I really do believe. When the Bible says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, we have to acknowledge, especially when God has done a work in our lives, he has brought us from one mindset to another, from one season to another. He has given us hope even when there is none. He has given us peace of our soul, understanding, and the way that we carry ourselves, uphold ourselves, and continue to move forward. Even when the world says that you should be in fear, even when the world says that you should be in doubt, even when the world says that you should give up. The fact that we keep going because of the hope that we have in Christ, that is something to be in awe about because we are physical testimony for ourselves. Yes, it's really great to look at other people and see how they have grown. When I look at Naz, I give God thanks because the person that Naz was, even when I first met him to now, but the person that he tells me, but even the person that he tells me that he was from before we met, I don't recognize anything in that man. And he is continually moving forward and he is such testimony to my life. But when I look at myself, like me, it's incredible. The life that I have lived, the things that I have achieved, the people that I have touched, the friends I have made, things that I have accomplished at such a young age, the. The fact that I've met the love of my life, this is not me. This is God's hand on me. And I am just so happy. And yeah, I just. I just really want to encourage you guys if there is that thing that you are holding on to out of fear, I actually challenge you to let go. And I challenge you to let God move. And I challenge you to trust that regardless of the outcome, that God is worthy and God is intentional. And God will restore whatever the enemy feels obliged to take, even though he will not fully take it, because he will never take your joy that rests in the Holy Spirit. He will never take your peace that you get given through the grace of God, through Christ Jesus. He will never take that away, but he will also lovingly restore all the years that the locust has eaten. And I, I stand by that because there's been times where I felt like I'm in standstill. I know that I'm only 23, but your girl is an ambitious girl. And there's times that I'm worrying, like, oh, is my life really moving forward? God, God gives me A, he gives me a solution, even if it's not in the way that I see it. But B, he gives me the spiritual peace and joy and hope that isn't even explainable. The feelings that aren't explainable are the best feelings. I was even speaking to someone the other day, someone that I've been praying for for a long time to come to Christ. We're not fully there yet, but we're praying for it anyway. And we are speaking about just experiences, spiritual experiences. And when you have that experience, no one can tell you otherwise about that experience. And even the life that I have lived served a testimony to him to want to learn more about God. And again, I thank God for making me fearfully and wonderfully made, because that is not me. That is only the Holy Spirit through me. But yeah, I'm going to keep rambling, but I have to go back to my work log back on my laptop. But one last look. She's so beautiful and I can't believe it. And I'm so excited to celebrate with you guys. But yeah, I will catch up with you guys in the next episode. Not sure when Naz is coming on, but I will keep you posted and definitely please leave your questions below. And me and Naz will answer them maybe in like two extended episodes because I can imagine there's going to be a lot and we're going to talk for a lot on different things. But yeah, leave them below and we will answer them. But I love you guys so much. Thank you for being on this journey with me and I am so excited to share. I do want to start vlogging separately and uploading stuff just as I start to do the wedding planning. I might do like, maybe like a monthly upload of like where I am with planning, take you guys along with me. I went to a wedding venue yesterday to look around, and that was really nice. And it felt like the start of, like, all this new stuff. Stuff. So next time I will take you guys along with me when I do certain things because I love videos like that and it'll be fun for me to look back on as well. But, yeah, I love you guys so much. Thank you again and I will see you guys in the next episode. Bye.