why we broke up. what every Christian couple should know.

i just got engaged… so why am i talking about our breakup?

in this episode, i sit down with my fiancé to share the full story of how we went on a break for 9 months, why we chose to step away, and how God completely restored our relationship in a way only He could.

i have received COUNTLESS of messages and comments about this, with people going through similar and unsure of what the future holds. so we pray this helps anyone going through confusion, heartbreak, waiting, or wondering if restoration is even possible. 

what we talk about:

✨ the reality of going on a break while still loving each other
 ✨ how spiritual immaturity
 ✨ why it was the best decision for both of us
 ✨ what it looked like to pray for each other even while apart
 ✨ awkwardness of reconnection
 ✨ how we knew it was time to get back together

and whilst i am so blessed for our love story, this isn't about us but about God’s grace, timing, and leadership over our lives.

Transcript

0:09

Hey, homegirls. Welcome back to the Less of Me podcast. And I am here with. Just hit me in the. I did hit you, Ned. We are here this week with Naz for the second week in a row. How does it feel to be back again for the third time, Special guest, second time as a fiance? I was your first learning guest, wasn't I? So far? Yeah. I've never had another guest three times, you know. Yeah. You know, I feel special, to be honest. I said to someone the other day, I said to someone the other day that I've actually not had any guests on my podcast, which is such a lie. Cuz I have. It's you, but me. But I guess because it's a bit different. It's a bit different, Yeah. N said that we should have a podcast called. What was it? Table Talks with the Ramus. Cuz Naz's last name is Asun Ramu. Did I say that? I didn't. It was quite British. It's a Brit. I mean, it's the way like anybody in the British sort of. I've been trying, guys. I mean, Naz doesn't speak Yoruba fully, but he's been trying to teach me, period. But little bit. I can understand a bit. I. I try. I know you do. You do, Yeah. I appreciate it. Yeah. So we are back for the second week in a row. We kind of. Well, at first I was like, should we do them all together? But I think because a lot of people had questions about the break, I felt like it was more beneficial to do it as a separate video. We were gonna try and do it the same day straight off the bat, but last week my camera was about to die. Naz also had to go home. So we are in London at the moment in a temporary spot. We're at an Airbnb. Well, is it booking.com? doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter. Same thing. We're in an apartment house, actually, with my parents and my mum's best friend. Mum was speaking in London today, so I'm literally only here till tomorrow and. I'm just stopping over to this. Yeah, we just ignore the whole setup. I've taken all of the equipment that I could, but it's just a lighting that I've lacked because I came on the coach. So there was no way for me to bring everything. So ignore it gives nice. I think it's cozy, but it's blurry. We'll see how it goes, isn't it? Yeah, it'll be all right. So if Naz, it's a bit like a silhouette in this. Big apologies. I know. I guess we have to, like. We have to take turns, you know, in the light. Yeah. Here I look like a silhouette. Every time we take a selfie, it's either that we can't see Naz or we can't see me. Like, Naz is too dark or I'm just, like, shining. Yeah. Doesn't really work, but. So what's gonna happen? I can't get any lighter, but you can get darker. Yeah. From turning. Yeah. Will you get darker in the sun? I mean. But I mean, I can't get any lighter. No, you can't. I'm not trying to bleach my skin. No, don't bleach your skin. Naz is. Yeah. That's so rude. Gonna get straight into this. So for some background, Naz and I actually went on a break for nine months. Nine months. I say it's the space of a baby. We birth the baby. Yeah. So if you guys haven't seen me talk about that on, like, tick tock or YouTube, whatever. And we had a whole bunch of questions about the break. And I kind of just wanted to take some time, me and you going through the questions. Sounds good. Talking about some things, kind of giving you guys some background into us, but also some wisdom, because there's been a lot of people that have been commenting on my Tick Tock. You know the one that went viral. Yeah. Since, like, we should say this is the same situation. How do you go? But then sometimes it's like, I guess giving wisdom to. Because there's a question to spoil. Yeah. Of how do you know a break is temporary or permanent? I think that's a really key thing that we're going to answer. So don't answer it yet. No, not at all. But it's a good question. No, not. You're about to answer it. Come on, let me have it. Yeah, no, no, not yet. Okay. All right, Are you ready? The first question is, what led up to the break? I guess keeping it short. Yeah. I guess we just both went in the most spiritually prosperous place. No, not that. Needing to get married, needing to get engaged requires you to be some perfect celestial being. Not all, but I think. Yeah, we just. Again, there's a level of maturity, I think, that's required for such an important and significant point of life which can really make or break your life. So. Yeah, of course, I don't think we were in that place. More specifically, I wasn't definitely in that place. And, yeah, Financially, emotionally, spiritually, just wasn't there. And so I feel like that kind of played into a lot of different situations leading up to the break, whereby for, like, we thought, okay, cool, you know, we need to actually take stock of where we're at. And if we want to actually be able to move forward healthily, whether it's us two as a pair, whether it's just us two as individuals, we still want to be able to make sure, like, we are following God's will for our lives and that we aren't been a detriment to one another. So. Yeah. Yeah. I think also a key thing to note is me and Naz have been talking about marriage very heavily from day Dot. Well, but particularly before the break. Oh, yeah. It was something that was in our conversation six months. Six to nine months before that point. It was actually like. And when you realize that you are very much not ready for marriage, but all you're talking about is marriage, and you're technically preparing for marriage, and you're clearly not actually preparing for marriage because neither of you. Like, I was in. Definitely in La La Land. Like, I was like, yeah, like, just, I want to get married by this time. And we will get to that point. I saw that Naz wasn't ready, but I kept pushing it, and I saw that technically I wasn't ready. There was a lot of things that God had to work with me on. I would say I was readier. Yeah. But I still wasn't ready. My readiness was technically, I think, quite fickle. Like, I was ready in the sense of, like, I could genuinely see myself being a wife. And I genuinely love Naz, and I'm not saying that's. That is fickle in of itself, but I think the fact that I didn't have the spiritual awareness or I had a little bit of a nudging that you weren't ready, but I was still pushing. That shows a sign of spiritual weakness on my end because I was trying to lead the relationship. Yeah. And as a woman trying to lead a relationship as a sign of spiritual weakness or a sign of knowing that your future husband has spiritual weakness. And if I'm wanting to walk in a godly marriage and not a marriage that is manufactured. Manufactured by me, then I'm conjuring up something that's not from God. And it's not to say that Naz and I's relationship wasn't from God, because it was. Obviously, look at where we are now. But we weren't ready, no. To fully commit ourselves to the will. Of God, no, I don't think so. Yeah, so that was kind of. Yeah, that was kind of what led us up to the break. The second question is, that's so funny that someone asked this. I mean, it just made me laugh because I was. It said, was Naz the one who broke up? Y'all think that men be breaking up with me? I know it happened a lot, but come on. Come on, bro. Come on. Or did you guys decide to break up at the same time? Yeah, I think. Well, I was the one to. You don't want to say. To suggest it. Should we go and that's on period. Should we go on the break? And then. Because I were like. I was like, well, maybe. And I think. Had you already thought about it? I think I'd thought about it before. I was like, okay, look, I don't want to be the first. That person, that guy that's like, oh, let's just go on a break and, like, just jump out of the first sign of inconvenience, because that's not what you. That's not what life is about, really and truly. But. But at the same time, I was like, okay, cool. Really intrigued. Where we're at now just isn't healthy. No. If we just say for the sake of, you know, that we did and we did. I believe we did because we're here. That we did hear from God in terms of. In regards to our relationship. But right now, is it like, is this. Is this to be like a right now thing? You know what I mean? I'm like, ooh, maybe we should actually take a pause and be like, where are we actually going with this? Yeah. So when you said it, it was quite. It was quite a bit of relief for me. I mean, not like that, just in terms of. Because for me, even, like, through the different doubts and periods within our break, which you probably get onto later in the video, but I always knew you were to be the one. I was just like, right now, where I'm at, I just need to just literally, like, yeah, almost press, like a hard reset. You can't steward our relationship if your relationship is. I need to be leading. I just properly know myself like that. So I want to be able to grow more in that way. My personal walk with God and just me as a man, mean as the man, like, just outside as a man relationship. So that doesn't mean that I was trying to go about and wild out the whole summer. I was actually like a hermit apart from, like, being with my boys. Literally. I was literally yeah, he went to Magaly like, three times. Magaly. No, do that. Spiritual trips to Magaloo. No joking. I'm joking. Evangelizing the clubs. Yeah. I went to Malaga once. Yeah. And that was. You spent most of the time playing Monopoly. Monopoly, yeah. We didn't even go. Like, they tried to invite us to a club and we're like, you did? You know the people, like promoters on the streets. Come on, guys. Come on, man. Well, he was with his Christian friends. They obviously weren't gonna go there. Nah, bro. And we're like, one time. This is his groomsmen we're talking about. And then one time he went and was. Okay, well, let me check it out. And he was like, it's so dead in there anyway. Oh, my gosh. Unbelievers are actually boring, I guess, when you've not. Got to be honest. When I think about it, when I was an unbeliever. I'm not saying sometimes the parties weren't good, but when you really think about it, like, most of the motives you went to if you weren't drunk. When you look at it from a sober perspective and also from like. Like, like no motive, as in, like no ambition as to why you're going there to catch a man. This is just case. Like, it's trying to get drunk. You can get your. Yeah. If you're literally just going for the vibes completely sober, it's got to be really good to really enjoy. It's got to be really good. But majority of the time it's just based on, like. Yeah. People being drunk, on wilding. And then I guess even if you're sober, though, because you could go to the club sober. But also I think it's still the motive behind why you're going to the club. Is it, like, because you're still around so much fleshly things. Yeah. Anyways, we could go into that. We can go into. Oh, that's another video question. But I was. No, I was gonna say leading off of what you said, that is the importance of having godly counsel around you. Because it was actually me talking to our friend Daniel. I was gonna say mine, but it's our friend. Couple from Naza's church have been, like, really helpful to us. And I'd talked to Danielle a few times before that, but I kind of opened up to her about everything going on in our relationship, and she was the one to suggest that we go for a break. Shouldn't tell me how to do it. Shouldn't tell me, like, this is for how Long. She was like, I just think, like, something's got to give because you will keep going around in this circle. And she said to me, she was like, you guys are going through problems that people in marriages go through. Yeah. Like, we've not just dated because we had so many things, so much constantly crop up, so much hurt, so many arguments that were, like, unnecessary. And if you don't really take a step back from that, I think life can come at you very hard. Like, especially the age that we were. I was 19, you were 20. Just turning 21. And then you've got all the things like career, finances, adulting, getting a car. And then on top of that, you're dealing with your own spiritual growth, moving from a teenager to an adult spiritually, not just physically. And then it's also going from like, oh, I have this little boyfriend to, oh, like, I want to get married, but, like, where are we? And now we have to, like, completely reevaluate. Yeah. So it's like we. Yeah, it just. It was all quite a lot for us, I think, in terms of where we're at. Yeah. The next question is, what were the things you guys did that helped you get back to a point where you thought you could get back together? And that kind of leads on to the other question. It said, how did you know when it was time to reconnect and how did it happen? So I think starting off, like, getting to the point when Naz and I went on our break, so I called him. I just realized we should probably move over a little bit. Well, like, not in the middle. Sorry, guys. All right. I'll be all right. We talked on the phone about it. That was horrible. That was. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That was horrible. I talked about in that. In my other podcast. Did you? Like, two weeks ago. And how we had to end the phone call and. Oh, yeah. Then it was like a two week period where we were, like, just not talking. Yeah. And then we didn't. Came back together. And you were on the bus. Yeah. And you were crying. Oh, yeah. And. And then we came. Yeah. Yeah. My. Our anniversary. So with our anniversary, we shouldn't celebrate it properly. It was. Yeah. On our second anniversary, second year anniversary, and Naz came down to see me and we just kind of talked through the logistics of the break. We were saying the other day how we want to, like, do that day all over again without. It was actually a really nice day. It was like, nice weather. We, like. We had fun, we laughed and what. More chatted. But it was like, knowing that this is going to go on, I guess an indefinite sort of pause right now. There was nice. Oh, yeah, we're going to see each other and, you know, things. We've gone too much about seeing each other in person. Yeah. But we've still been FaceTiming and chatting, updating each other on our lives, because. It'S going to be indefinite. And, yeah, we're not chatting, like, how we usually chat. And we also don't know, like, if this is for sure. Like, are we going to have this again? You know, at least at that point. In time, we didn't approach the break being like, yeah, we're going to get back together on this time, this date. Yeah, we're gonna play it by air. By this period, we literally went on the break being like, if it is so that it is God's will that we break up, then we break up. We did not go about the break trying to get back together. Technically, you could say it was a breakup, but it wasn't a full breakup. It was just, we are gonna seek God individually to see whether we should get back together or not. Yeah. And then the next part of the question was, what were the things you guys did that helped you get to a point where you thought you could get back together? Well, I guess it was more like us individually, according to just grow. That was kind of the key aspect of things. Doing things on our own. Doing things on our own. Us being able to understand and know ourselves better, be able to, you know, get around a good community. Like, something that happened, which was so nice before we even presumed was just. We had lots of good people around us, you know, you had an issue. 1. Honestly, I had. I had an issue, guys. I mean, like, you. You found it difficult to find people that you can probably connect. Yeah. My problem was community. I became a Christian lockdown, then went to church and felt like there's a very big difference of, like, just having Christian friends versus having people that. And I don't. I don't mean this in a condescending way, but those that know, no, I can very much be friends with someone who is spiritually more spiritually immature than me because I can be of counsel to them. When all your friends are people that you feel like you've got to, you. Know, fight for someone to, like, help them run alongside. I need someone. Yeah, that and also someone who's even more mature than me because they can convict me and be like, yeah, I don't do. Do that. And that was something that I found really Helpful with Danielle. And then I've got a few friends in my church as well who I feel like even just length of spiritual journey, because I know that length doesn't always mean maturity. But I've got a friend, Jess. He's been a Christian for so long. She's always been a Christian. And her understanding of even things like church, navigating different things has really helped me. So I would agree getting around people was good. I mean, you. You kind of built that, but I would say even more so. Solidified 100. Yeah. I said it in my previous episode, and I don't know if you would agree with me. It got to a point that I. I loved you and I wanted to get back together with you, but I was confident in myself that I wasn't, like, desperate. I need Naz around me because if I don't, then I'm not. I'm gonna fall apart, I'm gonna die, my life's gonna crumble. Yeah. Nothing good can come of it and say no. Like, a lot of good things were happening to us within our break, and I think that was a beautiful thing of us then be able to come back together with good things rather than being like, I need you, and, like, we can make this good thing together. Like, we. We're making. We'll make beautiful things together. Yeah. But, like, that comes from the fact that we are full in Christ already and not like, ah, I need this woman. I need this man to kind of make me feel better. I don't think we did it on purpose. It wasn't the intention, but. But it just happens, I think, especially when you're young as well and, like, this was our both of our first, like, proper, serious relationship everything. Like, a coolest person I'm going to marry. It's like, I want to date them for the vibes, all of this and that. You know, when you're single, you're inclined to go to God first, but when you're in deep relationship, you just naturally go to that person first and latch onto them. And then, like, I would drain Naz and then he would drain me. And then it was. Did you guys have. Have a proper talk about deciding to get back together when it was the right time, or were there small hints being given about reconnecting? I think that would be a good time for you to talk about how you felt like you were, like, striving for perfection. Getting back to things. Let's get into it. Get your cup of tea. This is Rami talking. Get your biscuits. Let's Chat. We're going to talk about how he break my heart. And I'm joking. I'm going to break her heart into the million pieces. But no, yeah. Also, we had our break set in mind, but I feel like, because I struggle with a lot with perfectionism, you know, I'm very detail oriented. And so it's like, okay, cool, I need to calculate this. And if X plus Y equals Z and Z squared equals 57, then it doesn't equal 60. And so it's not time. You can see how we are both very different. That I literally barely pass maths. And that was Chinese to me. But no, it was like I was trying to be so calculated about it. And yeah, I was just like, well, I'm not wanting to be where I want to be. Even what that goal is. It's like, what is it? Really and truly, it's like, I'm not where I need to be. It's like, but, Naz, what is it? And it's like more or less like, perfection. Was like, you will never get perfection. And through speaking with a lot of guys, it definitely helped to, like, tone me down a bit and be like, okay, cool, let me move forward. And even, namely, like, my counselor, Bishop Noel, shout out to him. He's absolutely brilliant. Was like, do you think that your growth needs to be mutually exclusive from moving forward with you? And I was like. He's like, it doesn't like. Because it wasn't like you were in the gutter. It's a very big difference of being in the gutter versus, like, you still have something to grow in. Is there an upward progression of your life? Are things better? The way in which you view yourself and you view God and the way in which you know things you struggle with today, but the way they play out in your life, is there not progression? I was like, there is. He's like, well, of course he's not saying you should rush, but at the same time, it's like you could be holding off indefinitely until you're old and great if you don't start to take a step forward in boldness. So I definitely feel like it was lengthened out in terms of how long our break was because of, like, when. Would you say my fears going back if you were to do it again? I'd probably say, like, at November. So this is like, that's even. That's a bit late in it, but at November, At November, I think that would have been like, a good time to be like, okay, cool. But that was five months. But it went through till. Oh, so you hobbling. Because it was like another sort of. Yeah, I'm like thinking because, like five months. Five months. No, I mean, like, I'm sad that we had to extend it that much. On top of that, but we had. To go like Christmas without each other. Yeah. But I think again, I was just way too much in my head, you know? Yeah. I was like, I don't want to go back and start hurting this girl. But it's like, for one. Of course, that's very noble and you shouldn't. But at the same time, I think even the dough, like, I mean, we said back in the previous video since, like, coming back on our break and then namely, like from about September and even October, November times, like, we've just been nothing. We've been. Had an absence last year of issues. Yeah. 20, 24. Not say we've had an absence of issues, but we've generally just been actually enjoying, well, dating up until the sort of point where we got engaged and then enjoying this process. Yeah, but we have still hurt each other. Yeah, in small ways. And of course, don't get me wrong, the way in which we hurt each other before we went on our break was very extreme. Yeah, very extreme. But none of us didn't love each other and we weren't. We didn't cheat on each other, by the way. Can we just clarify? That's the case of, like. Yes. The way in which we hurt her was, like, very painful because we, we. Were both hurt people. Both hurt people. So we were hurting each other. And so it's like. But we still. We still hurt each other and we will still get on each other's nerves and hurt each other. You're getting my nerves right now. Exactly. I'm talking to you again. But no, like. But anyway, it's like so, like, to have this expectation where, like, you don't want to hurt. It's like, okay, cool. That's noble. Of course, have that mind in place. But reality is you're going to hurt each other because you're two people who are human, though you are spiritual beings in Christ, you still have your mind. You still live in this earth. You still have things needing to grow in Christ likeness. So, yeah, the bad, the ugly is going to come up because you're in. Such a vulnerable position with another person. Exactly. Third ugly part's going to come out. But there's something. The beauty comes from that. Right. Like, you're able to be pruned, able to be sharpened, as we do for. One Another that kind of leads on to, how do you know break is temporary or permanent? I think I could answer this for my ladies in particular. I am not saying Naz is perfect in any way, shape or form, but I think there is a very clear difference between going on a break because you both are struggling with life, maybe accidentally idolizing one another, maybe walking in. A lot of fears that are manifesting in your relationship where you're. Both of you, but particularly your boyfriend, is wanting to move forward, wanting to treat you as the jewel that you are. It could be a variety of things. Right. But I also think on the flip side, if he is just vibing and he is not walking with intentionality towards marrying you and towards himself, first and foremost, because I think a lot of women will see a love that a man shows for them and see him as worth fighting for all while they see no love that he has for God. Because don't get me wrong, I've been in relationships before and I could say, yeah, I mean, he liked me, we maybe loved each other. And, yeah, like, very sort of, yes, fickle way, like school way. And even, to be honest, maybe even a bit deeper than that. But it still holds no depth spiritually. There could be so much depth with flesh, especially when sex is involved, which maybe that's happening with the reason. Because I've had a few messages about, you know, we've fallen into temptation and we want to take a break. And, you know, I guess me and Naz can't speak on that as much, but I would say it's how you handle that. And I think, especially as a man, which is one of the key reasons as to why Naz had to go on the break. He. For different reasons, but he felt like he couldn't lead me appropriately. And that means that he needs to go away and let God deal with that. Because it's not just in his relationships and his friendships, in the way that he does work in his mental health. Yeah. Because as a man, he is. He is technically, not even technically, God has called him to be a leader. Not even just in his marriage, in his parenting, it's in his life. And if he constantly feels inferior, he's going to feel inferior with me. And I think one of the big things, if you have fallen into temptation or things just aren't. I think a lot of reason why a lot of people go on breaks. Yeah. What? No, sorry, I was just. I thought you were, like, telling me something. A lot of things. People. Reasons why people go on the break is because Maybe certain things with their Christian journey. Yeah. Isn't aligning a lot of things maybe aren't aligning with God how you approach your relationship, but then also your spiritual life is impacted as a result of certain temptations or certain things that you guys are doing or aren't doing. There is always redemption, but God is also a holy God. And if you both aren't working towards that, I think you're doing one another disservice by continuing to try and force something that is not there. And I think from a woman's perspective, because I know majority of people watching this are women. Stop settling for less in a man, particularly in a man that might be your husband. You have to think, if nothing were to change now, would you be happy? Would you be happy? And that's not to say that you don't need the break. That's not to say that you don't need to reevaluate. But I think of the core of what the person is showing you in. In their most vulnerable moments. Can you. Are you going off of being in love with their potential, or are you going off of being in love with their pure character that you can see right now? Because I don't. Don't get me wrong, Naz has hurt me in so many ways. Naz has not been ready in so many ways. But I have looked at him from a core perspective and been like, yeah, I'm in love with this man. It's very different from all of my other relationships I've been in that I've conjured in my head of like, yeah, like, maybe they'll be this person. It's like, is all going off of, like, glimpses of false hope and not from me seeing your fruit progress over time. Because even up until that point, we were together for two years, and I would say you. You'd grown even in those two years, even though we'd gotten to a point where we'd been so hurt that we had to go on a break. But it wasn't like. But to highlight that, because if we hadn't grown, we'd be like, oh, which. Which is cool. Which is good. And we just kind of just step into it and be like, yeah, so I think that's even a point. Like, guys, I'm not trying to pass off on the back at all. I was a really. I don't know. I don't want to say the word, but I wasn't nice at times. Don't get me wrong. I'm not sitting here. I'm just like, you know, this angel. Guy, you know, Halo, he is, to be honest, even. Even when you've been, like, not great, he's still so nice. But, like, I think one thing even so. And I'm grateful for you for. In terms of helping me to be able to realize good things about myself, I feel like even when I've been an idiot, even when I've done things which are wrong and being immature or being lackluster at times, you know, big words. Nas comes out with some big words. Sometimes I still think I'm so grateful to God for. Which is not based on my own accord. It's based on the way God has set my heart to be. I'm always like, okay, cool. I can humble myself to be like, lord, I want to grow. Lord, I want to progress. Lord, I want to do better. Help me. And so I feel like that was probably helpful. And I feel like, ladies, don't get me wrong, I think the break might be needed for you, or in case. It might be a case of maybe it's a case of you just need to break up. But I think, obviously, like Elodie said, be, you know, very honest with yourself. Like, is this something you'd be happy with? Because we. Which things were going. We need to take that break. But also, don't, like, dash away and dismiss a guy just because he's not perfect at this point in time, because he won't ever be perfect. I'm still not perfect now. But also, like, see that core character? Yeah. Is it somebody who can really grow? Then, if that's the case, still go on a break, but then submit it to God. We have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us. If you are a believer who has fully committed their lives to Christ, you believe 100 of the crucifixion, the resurrection, and what took place in that transaction from the old to the new covenant. We do not serve a silent God. No. And, you know, I could give you points, and God gives us wisdom for sure, but the Holy Spirit will speak to you. I believe that. On both sides, from the woman to the man. Yeah. I believe that God can speak in. In every scenario. Did you still pray for Nanos during the time of your break? If so, what did you pray for? And then did you guys go no contact after the breakup? You want to start with the first question? Well, first and foremost, I think we should start with no contact because it's a bit easier. We didn't have no contact. We saw each other every single day, and we still said we were On a break. No joking. We didn't even live in the same city. So we would text once a week on a Wednesday. Literally just like a hi, how are you? The conversation would maybe last up until lunchtime. It's very minimal. Like, I think. No, I think we would check in at lunch time and then it'd be like for 30 minutes max. Yeah. And then we just go about our. Day and then we would then have a call on a Saturday. But even so that Saturday calls was worked in like I think maybe after the first month. I don't think it was an immediate Saturday calls. I thought it was Saturday calls. Wasn't Salvage's text. And then maybe it was, maybe it was a short time frame in a month, but it wasn't from the off. No. So we went like a while without hearing each other's voices. Just the Wednesday check ins and we're like, okay, cool. Actually, no, that's maybe a bit extreme. Like we still want to be able to hear each other. So like we won't talk about relationship. Not talking about like us progressing before. We're just like checking in to be like, you know, I see your face or I hear your voice and it's like, how are you doing? How are you growing? Bless you. Bless you. Did you. Yeah. That was sad. Yeah. And then did you still pray? Did I still pray for Naz during the time of your break? Did you pray for me? I did pray for you every day. I prayed for you every day. I appreciate it. I prayed for Naz at first. I grieved. So something happened leading up to our break and I was just really upset at Naz. And I remember crying out to God and basically saying, God, you gave me confirmation, which I thought was your confirmation that he would be my husband. He is not showing me that he is going to be a good husband to me in this particular point in time. And I think when we went on the break, it was the same thing. I was just crying out to God, being like, God, did I actually just not hear you? Was that you? Was that my flesh? Was I just in la la land and not actually like hearing your voice? That's a good question. Yeah. Because I, I asked so many times that God if this is, was not the man for me, take him out my life because I was done. Like, if I dated you, that was it. Like, I'm like, this is either my husband or not. Like, I'm not doing it, I'm not. Trying to do it. And like not to say that if you go through A breakup and you're Christian, that, like, that's bad. But I think for me, because I had so many breakups and so much false hope, I was like, I knew in my heart of hearts that God was either going to stop me from dating completely or he was going to reveal a man that would be my husband. There'd be no in between. Like, I felt it so strongly because I was like, I'm not messing about. I don't want to. I don't want to have to try and find out someone's favorite color all over again. It's like, I don't want to be going on numerous dates. It's not saying, like, you can't. You can't go out to get to know people, but I was like, for me, I'm like, is this woman for me or let me stick in my lane? Just like, yeah, just do your own thing, bro. I would say it was more just for Naz's growth as a man, I think, praying specifically for things that he was going through, praying for my forgiveness of him and that I would show him love and care and if there was potential that we would get back together. I wanted you to be able to see the fruit, that I was ready to let you lead. So I was praying for you to be able to lead, and then I was praying that I would be able to receive your leading and not be hardened. Oh, I appreciate that. Yeah. Have I done well? You have done well. You have. Thanks. You've been a lot. You've been very, very responsible. What? Nicer, but a lot nicer. Sometimes you deserve the meanness in the fleshly, but not spiritually. Sorry, God. I'm sorry, God. Look, I'm just going to pray for your daughter, literally. Have. We want to answer about you, what you prayed for for me. Yeah, I prayed again, like, that you would continue to grow in confidence of who you are, that you would just continue to thrive, have a good community surrounding you. And I'm happy that, you know, pray did come to pass. And. Yeah, also that you would just know that you're loved, you know, that you're cared for, that you're cherished. And, you know, if we aren't to be getting back together, that, you know, that you'd be able to thrive in life, that you don't need me to be able to thrive. But I think even still, regardless, like, it's still a good prayer. Even if you're getting back. We are about to get. You know, it's still a case of, like, I mean, we can't literally just be each other's like, breath. Yeah, well, we can't. We can't make an altar for each other. No, we can't. That's idolatry. Even if it's with the one that you love. And that doesn't say that we don't love each other. You see, no way we're interacting on here. Like, we love each other so much and we each have his best friends. We rely on each other to some extent. Like. Like in a relationship, you need to have codependence. It's healthy. But the ultimate dependence is on God. And the good thing is we're not even married. I think the way in which people are like, I mean, you might as back in chamber in it. Yeah. Getting the lingo, the Jamaican slang. But now, like, you'll be able to, obviously, as we grow in marriage, like, we're going to be like this even more so, you know, but at the same time, like, there's still, like, a sense of self, which isn't needed. If not, you just become so self consumed. Yeah. We have our own hobbies, our own friends. We do our own thing. Like Nan said to me one time, and I told my mom and she tells people all the time because she's like, there's such beauty in, like, a couple. That's one. But it's different. When you said to me, oh, babe, if I go out, like, on weeknights or whatever, and I see my friends, like, will you be upset? Yeah. And I was like, no, I will read my Kindle. I will read my Kindle and I'll have a cup of tea and maybe, like, watch some YouTube or something different. Sometimes I do need to just be able to chill. And sometimes, like, you know, we're gonna have to compromise for each other in marriage. Like, sometimes she would want to go out, but we have to go out to somewhere. Sometimes she's like, like, I'm gonna want to go out, but it's like, I need to actually just be like, okay, now sit down. Actually, like, let's sit. Spend time, spend time together. Because she doesn't want to go out, but you want to spend time with her. So let's just sit down. You think of, like, when I'm on my period, I'm not going to be wanting to, like. Like, now I'm going to want to go jump off a mountain. She's like, I just want to sit. Down and sit down. Yeah. It's like, we have to do those things, but at the same time, like, there's going to be times where I'm like, you know, you want to relax. I want to head out somewhere, and you're fine, and we're fine with that. I'm not worried. Like, someone asked me not long ago, how do you handle the fact that Naz lives in a different city? Like, trust wise. Yeah. So I've literally never thought about it. Like, I saw this, the only quote on Instagram, and it was, like, growth and, like, trust in your partners, when the only thing you worry about when they leave the house is their safety and not the fact they're going to talk to another girl. No. I literally have only thought about that, like, a couple times early on, but I literally just don't think about it. I don't think about it. I think this is the last thing before we go on to that final question. I think as a guy, but even as a woman as well. Like, set in place where to keep yourself accountable. If you've got nothing to hide, then just have nothing to hide. Like, we show each other's locations and that. That's not even because, oh, I want to stalk you. It's literally for safety reasons. Safety reasons. But it's just like, well, I've got nothing to hide. I'm not going to strip club. I'm not going to a sneaky link. It's like, you know, I have no issue sharing my location. I think when. When it comes to marriage, there is a beauty and pure openness. Openness. Okay, last one. How did God restore your relationship? And what I think would be really good to talk about would be when we went off the break and how we move towards engagement and being. Oh, say back in love again. Because it wasn't abc. We weren't laughing and laughing. Laugh, if that's the word. Like, yeah, joyful. We weren't joyful. Laughing. Let me see. We weren't laughing. Let me use a new word, bro. We weren't, you know, just like this. We weren't like. No, we were very much, you know, hug Bridget. Because you restrict yourself from being. Yeah. Romantic for so long. Yeah. Probably restrict us also being romantic for so long. And then. I don't want to hurt you. I want to make sure that we walk forward, you know, being able to just do things properly. I was just so, like. I don't know, I became so rigid on myself, and I was, like, scared, and I was scared to probably, like, just go into this and scared to feel. I kind of played out, like, outside it was in my head, but it played out in the way which I was acting with you. And so I would just be very sort of almost cold and distant. And I knew it in my head, but like I didn't know how to address it until, you know, I found God for, for prayer. We're in place of prayer where I was able to highlight it, but also for my counselor is there to be like, I think you need to understand that like your own personal difficulties during which you view yourself, you know, you need to grow in that. But like it shouldn't hinder the way in which you relate with Elodie. Like your intimacy. I'm not saying sexual intimacy because we're not having sex before marriage, but like, you know, intimacy which guys, you know, the emotional and sort of like this spiritual intimacy that you guys share with one another. Well, it's like simple things. Like when you see them, like me and Nas weren't like really embracing each other. It wouldn't. It'd be like kind of like, it'd. Be like a little weird kind of hug and then it wouldn't even be. Like the way you would even hug a friend. Really. It was kind of just like, like. Like, oh, I'm like, oh yeah. It's like, it was like. But I said to you, I was like, I literally just feel like your friend. Yeah. And you know that after being together for two years already, but also by that point, you know, almost three years, it's like, what's going on? But I think once I got a bit more out of my head and then also grew my own confidence with the Lord and we're just more assured of where I'm going to and like just kind of just be, just be free. Just don't be so calculated, Nurse. Like, don't get me wrong, it's a good thing. We need to balance each other in that way. But like when I'm so overly calculated, it has an effect in terms of just spontaneity and just being able to just be free and just enjoy. And also just not letting the Holy Spirit lead either. Yeah, exactly. Because you're acting technically you're acting with your flesh even like it's like self righteousness in a way because you're over calculating trying to please God. But God's like, if you rested in me, you'd do it the right way. And also because I'm trying to be like, oh, so you know, I'm a spiritual guy. You know, it's like broski, you have personality. So like we got together because we're like, she thought I was like, funny as heck, man. Like, she thought I did think you were. And like, this guy's just so goofy. And like, this girl's so funny. She's goofy. So, like, tell them what you thought about what your wife would be. So again, no shade to anybody from the past. But like, I didn't really typically date funny, funny girls. Like someone who'd be like, the people who I'd be like, they're funny, man. These guys are funny. They're my bread in it. They're like my sisters. Oh. You know, I don't feel like somebody who'd be like, my sort of person would also be funny. But like met you and say, oh, wow, that's like, oh, maybe I'll just make you just friends. So I almost like, almost like accidentally friend her because I don't want to go. I don't talk about. It was about my height for one. Then it was like, what was it you said it was? It was a high end, funny thing. How was it? Yeah, but then also he was like trying to flirt with me, but it sounded rude because he was like, we went on the phone for six hours and he was like, yeah, I'd never do that with anyone that wasn't my girl. But he was trying to flirt with me and saying like, I would want to be on the phone with you again. But I took it as a fence. Yeah, she's like, out. Why? Just like, I cried. No, it was when you told me about the height that I cried. No, you cried about the phone thing as well. Did I? You did. I cry about everything. You cry about everything. I don't remember. But anyway, as we'll get into it. So I became one of those guys that you'd typically be like, mandem have personality. Yeah, I became like. You became very rigid. I became very rigid. She was like, look, like we've laughed, we've had stuff before. But like right now, like, I just feel like you just. Where's your personality at, babe? Like, I was like, I don't even know. And we had like a really deep conversation. And I think after that conversation, which was probably like, I don't know when it was, by the way, like, maybe October, November time. After that point, it just thinks started we just thriving a bit more. I think we're just a bit more free. We're able to be on the same sort of wavelength with one another. And yeah, I guess within that sort of period, which I'm so grateful for, we were just able to really just work towards where we are at now. Yeah. Yeah. It's like being in a new relationship all over again. Like, relearning a person because, like, we both changed over that time. And then you're kind of like, oh, this person's slightly different. Navigating a little bit different. It's like trying to be able to, like, really just get comfortable again. But, I mean, we're here and I'm so grateful for, you know, where we're at now and we're progressing to. Yeah. And he popped the question. How did I do, guys? How did he do? How do you do? How do you do? How did I do? How do. Anyway, anyways, guys, that is all of the questions. If you guys have any more below, I'm happy to just answer them. Don't ask. Just ask me. I'll answer them myself. But, yeah, I hope that was helpful to you. I hope that kind of helps you if you're going through a similar situation. I think just general relationships, advice, wisdom. This is not meant to be your Bible. This is just a bit of. Yeah. Giving a bit of an insight. And hopefully you can take some things for inspiration. Take you back to prayer. Even if something resonates, go back to God in prayer. Okay. You know, this thing is really clicking. I'm taking it. It's really making sense. I'm just gonna go and apply it. Run with it now. Unless you've already been praying and like, to see this video, it's like, oh, wait a minute. Go out to God in prayer. And it's something which you need to do then. I mean, it doesn't hurt because it's in accordance with him, whereas it's the ones where you're trying to be. I don't need to pray about it. Maybe when you're trying to. You know, I think the only time where I would say, don't pray and just act, always pray, but don't pray about if you should do something. The only time I would is if you're living in sin and you're praying about whether you should continue living. Oh, yeah, that's just. Then you just stop living in sin and you pray and ask God to remind you of his grace, and he gives you every day to walk a life free of sin. But yeah. Yeah, we love you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed it and now should hopefully be back on the podcast at some point. I'm gonna become a regular guest. It's gonna become. When we're married, you can just hop on whenever you want. Yeah, just pop through. Hi, guys. Five minute segment with Nazi. That's a little. Gosh, like I'm such a creative bro. He's already like trying to take over. Guys, this is not. I'm not control. No. I'm just. I'm like. He's the opposite manager, bro. That is controlling. That's not controlling. Should we just not get married? Give it. This costs a lot of money. Anyways, love you guys so much. Have a blessed week. And we will. Well, I will see you guys in the next episode. Naz will see you in a few episodes time at some point. Love you guys. See ya. Bye.