why are you trying to earn God's love?

hey homegirlsss. God started reminded me that His love for me is so much bigger than my love for Him. that sounds simple, but it’s something that changed the way i see everything.

so many of us have grown up in church believing we have to prove our love for God through effort. through serving, striving, and trying to do everything “right.” but what if the gospel was never about how much you love God, and instead about how deeply He loves you?

💭 in this episode, we talk about:

• why God’s love for you matters more than your love for Him
• the danger of living from self-righteousness and striving
• how we misinterpret holiness without understanding love

📖 scriptures mentioned:

• romans 12:2 — be transformed by the renewing of your mind
• galatians 2:21 — if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing
• psalm 103:8 — the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love
• john 10:10 — i came that they may have life, and have it abundantly

⏱ chapter markers:
00:00:29 – a hotel with no windows
03:00 – when faith starts to feel like performance
06:30 – God’s love vs our love
10:00 – the trap of self-righteousness
13:00 – living by the spirit, not by willpower
17:00 – God can be holy and still be Father
22:00 – stop striving, start resting
26:00 – final encouragement: let the Father love you

Transcript

[00:00:00] Homegirl, when I tell you there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, I will go to the end of the earth to record podcast. And you know, when I booked this hotel room, I thought, oh, it's gonna have like a table. And when I'm able to set up my stuff, like it's not gonna be like top tier because I haven't got the capacity to bring my proper microphone and my camera and like lights and whatever.

I got into this hotel room probably about 10 30 last night. I walked in, I nearly hit the other side of the room. If you guys are listening, I encourage you to head over to my YouTube, or if you're on Spotify, just click the little video aspect of it and you'll see what I'm talking about. And in fact, I'm gonna give you a room tour because there's not much to tour.

That is the bathroom. The door is over there. I have a TV behind me. I have this [00:01:00] and my bed,

if I'm being honest though, I slept okay. This was a very last minute hotel booking. I'm in London at the moment and I usually stay with family members or friends. There was no one to stay with, so last minute Nas and I just booked this room so I could like be here and sleep. Um, to be honest, like I just wanna first of all say that I have my suspicions that this used to be

a prison. I'm gonna Google it. There is no window. Did you guys notice that? Like I gave you a tour? There is no window. I have not been outside since last night, but I have not seen sunlight since about seven o'clock when me and Naz went for premarital counseling. So we went into the church and then when we came [00:02:00] out it was dark.

I woke up this morning and I didn't know it was morning. Because there's no window, like how like I, it's so, it's such a strange concept to me. Like I've not seen the sun today and because I've had to get ready, I've not like had the chance to go outside and to be honest, like. The setup, like it's actually all right.

Like it's, it, it's almost like an in-between a hotel and a hostel. Like, you then don't have to like stay in a room with other people. You get your own bathroom and whatever. But like, I don't wanna go in the corridors on my own, like I'm okay. Like I'll stay in this room until NAS gets here, you know? Um, yeah.

It's strange. It, it's weird. And, and the walls are paper thin, which is why I'm talking really quiet, but obviously I have a microphone, so it's fine. Paper thin [00:03:00] 3:00 AM this morning got woken up by people that were out clubbing and I just read my Kindle for a bit, but it's fine. The bed is comfy. We're living, but I apologize for the fact that.

This is not a cute setup, but it's okay. 'cause you didn't come for a cute setup. You came for me. You always looks cute, girl. I'm joking. You came for God, you came to hear a word and I haven't planned anything because A, I don't have the time. B, if I had a planned something, I would really like to do it in a proper setup.

You know, like I can't even really talk very loud because there's actually paper thin walls right next to me. Um. But I am here with a word, and it's a simple word, but it is something that I've really been thinking about a lot recently, and it's something that I've always known, [00:04:00] but you need that extra conviction, you know, like, you know.

Like Easter just went by and me and Nas were talking about the service at my church on Easter Sunday. And my pastor Gareth, he was talking about how Jesus rose from the dead. There was just silence in the church and he was like, hello? Like this is supposed to be like, it's supposed to clap at that point.

It's supposed to be so excited and we oftentimes, as believers, I was even thinking about before I went to bed last night. There are countless of other, I mean there's a lot of other structured religions, but there are countless of other religions and subsect and cults and all of these different belief systems that people hold dear to them.

We have the Everlasting Truth. We know the beginning and the end. We know that our God is victorious. We know that our God [00:05:00] conquered sin and death on the cross. But we know it and we just go about day-to-day life, like it's sour. It's like, no, we need to like wake up and be freshly excited about these things because this is the beginning and the end of our faith.

Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith. He is who makes us who we are. And one of the big things that I have really. Being, thinking about as of late, I just finished, um, a book. I put it on the Less Of Me podcast story the other day, um, just like a little picture of it on my Kindle. Um, it was The Power Of Right Believing by Joseph Prince.

This book has taught me, and what, to be honest, his ministry has taught me and how that has coincided with so many other things that I have read in the word so many other sermons. I have heard fellowship that I've had with other believers in my own [00:06:00] personal prayer time with God . And this is the concept of your love for God is nowhere near as important as God's love for you growing up in a Christian environment, a church environment.

I don't know what that sound is by the way. I dunno if you can hear it in the microphone. There's gonna be a few noises in this video because. There's just some random things going on in, in this building. I dunno. Um, growing up in church culture, I had always thought. I, I, I'd known that God loved me, but I always thought in order for me to really be a good Christian, an honorable Christian, a Christian that God blesses and brings favor to is when I love God so much.

Like I need to love him as much as he loves me. I need to serve him. I need to be obedient. I need to, um, stand out [00:07:00] outside of all the other believers. By my good works, by my like, I guess good mentality. Um, my belief about God. Um, I had to show that, you know, my life represented a woman that loved God and I am not here to say that you shouldn't love God.

But what I am here to say is, is your earnestness to love God, being charged by your will, your flesh, your own human power, or is it being fueled by God simply loving you? Church culture from what I understood before I became a Christian was get involved as much as possible.

Be present as much as possible. So God knows that you love [00:08:00] him and he will bless you and you will be highly favored in his eyes. But when I started understanding the word of God and I started. Not just the word of God, to be honest. It just started with the cross because we can understand the word of God, but if we don't understand it, if we don't build that knowledge from the nucleus of Christ and what Christ did on that cross, 'cause we could talk about Jesus, you know, the life of Jesus.

That's great. Those are great things, but. Even that we need to shift and focus on the cross and on the resurrection and what that means, and from everything else we go out. So the word of God is powerful. It is active, it is sharper than any twoedged sword, but I believe that it is only that because of the sacrifice and [00:09:00] the resurrection of Christ, because he was the innocent lamb who died in our place.

To save us, to redeem us, to bring us a new life so we could have life and have life abundantly. That act of sacrifice required deep love. Love deeper than what we could ever understand, and for him not to just die on the cross, but to conquer death shows that he is not just god, but shows that he is a loving God because he did that, not just to prove himself as God, but to give us all a new hope, even when we fail.

So when we fail and we rest in who Christ is. We are transformed by the renewing of our mind, not by the actions that we do because we know through the whole of the Old Testament, we see time after time where people are trying to do things out of their own might [00:10:00] and their own will, and they fail miserably.

Whereas we see in the New Testament, Paul massive example, is someone who lived. In an appalling sight to God. He lived terribly, but he lived righteous because he was a Pharisee. So in one mind he was a a righteous man, but in the other mind, which we know through the word of God and we know common sense wise, what we understand about God, that poor killing Christians and Paul being so high and mighty that he could not see the work that was being done through the church.

We know that that was against the will of God. But I wanna challenge you. Paul was probably before he came to Christ, someone who desired terribly to be loved by God. To be acknowledged by God as someone who loved God. He fought day in and day out.

He increased his hierarchy as a Jew. He became a Pharisee. He [00:11:00] lived for righteousness and righteousness only, and that actually blinded him from what was to come. And God had to blind him and open his eyes, his spiritual eyes on the road to Damascus. And I wanna like challenge you. Is that you, is that you, is that, are you someone who.

Wants to love God so much that you are actually being blinded from the grace of God, knowing that it is not through your works, but is through the grace of God that you are saved and that you have a life, you are a believer who is saved will go to heaven. You are someone who will have the fruits of the spirit, not through willpower because that's something I was talking about with my dad the other day.

We were talking about how all these different fruits of the spirit, gentleness, patience, self-control. We will look at that as believers in the fleshy sense, and we will try to earn that in the fleshy sense.

So when we go out [00:12:00] in our day, we will just say, in our mind, I will be more gentle. I will have more self-control. I will be more kind, I will be more patient. All of these things. And in an earthly sense, like that's good. Like the world goes around because of people being intentional about how they are behaving.

But how often when we're trying to grow in a fruit of the spirit, when we're trying to grow in who we are in Christ, how often do we say, Lord, I rest in your self-control? Because I know that in Christ all self-control belongs to me that I am a temple of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit does not lack self-control, so neither do I kindness.

Lord, I know that you do not have a spirit of evil. I do. I know that you do not have a spirit of being mean. Of being horrible, of being spiteful. I know, Lord, that you have filled me with your kindness, that you have given me that gracefully through your son

and Lord, I thank you that as I [00:13:00] step out today, I have that acknowledgement of that kindness that rests within me. It's already mine. I've already claimed it because I have claimed you. And when I claim you, I claim all the fruits of the spirit. And it just takes me acknowledging that, being sanctified, being, um, constantly aware of your word, to know my identity in you.

If we are living every day. To crucify the flesh. If we are living every day to acknowledge that the old has gone and the new has come, why are we constantly resurrecting our struggles? Why are we constantly saying to ourselves

That we need to try to fight to be more godly? I dunno about you, but my Bible does not talk about how as believers we should be constantly tearing ourselves down, fighting to be more like God. Instead we acknowledge that we are like God.

[00:14:00] And in that acknowledgement, knowing that he loves us so much to change our identity, to give us a new name, to give us a new hope and a new future, we will begin to believe it. And I think that's something that. Going back to the concept of loving God, that is where people fall so mightily because they don't feel enough, they don't really believe that the cross had that much power.

That it could genuinely transform us, but instead, they are acknowledging God's holiness, which is great, but they are then falling into the trap of the old covenant by believing that in order to satisfy that holiness, that they should live with, works in mind, that they should live with the law, that they should live with sacrificing animals to be redeemed. [00:15:00] That is what I believe that a lot of people are living in, that they are living in this self-righteous mentality. And some of which comes out in very prideful ways because when we do the right thing, we're like, God, look at us like we, we love you so much.

Or it comes out in places of deep insecurity that we can't shake the fact that we are never enough and we'll never be good enough for God. But can I put something across to you that from the moment that you gave your life to Christ, you were enough? Because your not enoughness, your unworthiness has already been satisfied.

Has already been broken on the cross, that God's anger towards human sin has already been satisfied, and in that when he rose from the dead, when Christ rose from the dead, he rose from the dead in love and in in grace, and in [00:16:00] favor and patience for his people. We see it through the Old Testament as well where God shows

like incredible faithfulness when people were doing such disgusting things in in the sight of the Lord. But that's not once and for all because we were still living under the old covenant and Christ had to come so that he would redeem us forever. No in-betweens, no ifs, no buts forever. I really believe that we need to shift our focus as believers because we are being caught in so many strongholds unnecessarily because we are putting the responsibility on ourselves to deal with it.

We are not putting it on God. Knowing that God has already put it on Jesus, you know, like it's already done and we're living in 20, 24 thousands of years later, still trying to live a [00:17:00] life that is not necessary anymore. And I think I mentioned it in the last podcast and I wanna mention it again because I think it's something so important I said about how, you know, when we're living in that, that mindset of

wanting to please God, wanting to love God because he's so holy. Let's acknowledge that whilst God is holy, he is also loving. Let's acknowledge that whilst God is holy, he is also Father. I have really come to understand, trying to understand because honestly, there is nothing I think that any of us fully understand because I'm talking about this right now.

That's because I have been there. Like even if it's not in my mind, like to other people, like, oh, you must love God. You must love God, because I know that that sounds very self-righteous from what I have learned in the past. But that doesn't mean that I don't say it to myself inwardly. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle.

That doesn't mean that I don't beat myself up unnecessarily and have to re remind myself. But one of the things that God has had [00:18:00] to rere remind me of is that he is God, but he is Father. The Bible relates to him as abba father, which is the most intimate word that you can use to describe a dad. And it's really funny actually.

'cause I know like on TikTok has its big thing of, you know, daddy God. It's so funny. Like, oh, you should say that. It just gives such, such cult vibes. And I thought that for such a long time, and it was only yesterday as I was finishing this book and reading this book that Joseph Prince was referring to God as Abba father and translated.

Abba is dad, daddy. It is a, um, real intimate way of describing God and I believe that, you know, we love a joke. Like, I love a joke. It's funny. Sure daddy God. Like, it's not something that I would personally call God because of like, yeah, it's just not, not my thing, [00:19:00] but now I understand it. If that. If that phrase and that way of relating to God makes you feel that level of comfort and love deeper than any Father has ever loved you.

If we're stopping people from seeing God as dad, like I call my dad, daddy. Like I do. I've never, I've never not called my dad. I've never called my dad, dad, and I've never called my mom, mom. I call them daddy and mommy. It's just something that I've grown up with, especially if you are Jamaican. We like don't tend to call our parents mom and dad like nowadays, I guess like being more gentrified in the uk we do tend to, but Dad is daddy.

Mom is mommy, and it. For me, it provides a great comfort and like my dad is [00:20:00] nowhere near as great as my dad, and I was thinking to myself, how can I rephrase? My understanding of God when I relate to him, is it by calling him father? Is it by calling him dad? Is it by calling him Abba? Like I, I feel like I have to get to that understanding and not because that's like, you know, you must find a word that suits God because otherwise you will fail like, I'm not saying that what I'm saying is.

Is, what can we do as believers to break that barrier off of where we don't see God as father, where we really can understand that he loves us so much beyond what any of our earthly fathers have done for us. Or maybe you don't have an active father in your life, and the understanding of Father is so blurred.

How can you get to that point where you see God as a father that you have never had. How can you open up your heart to allow God to show you who he is? Because it's not [00:21:00] about us forcing ourselves to get to that point. Oh, I must see God as Abba father. No. It's about opening our hearts up and letting go of that self-righteous mentality where he must love God, love God, love God, and let God love us.

When I was born, when you were born and our parents held us for the first time, I didn't know what love was. I was a baby. Like I just wanted milk and sleep like, and I was like, this is a new environment. I'm used to the womb, like what's going on? I was literally in it for a transactional relationship from my mom and from my dad.

I really believe that we need to get to a point where when we see God for who he is as a provider, as a God that loves as a God, that restores as a God, that redeems, as a God, that saves, as a God that heals in that. I really believe that that's when things start to shift, because I always was the one to be like, don't let your relationship with God become transactional.

That's the worst thing that you can do. [00:22:00] As Paul said, when we acknowledge grace, does that mean that sin should abound all the more? Absolutely not because grace encourages us to change. Romans 12, two, my favorite scripture, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Be transformed so that you will know the perfect will of God.

What is pleasing to him?

What if we just started just, just taking from God, just understanding who he is, just literally letting him pour into us. Not trying to give anything back. Not trying to, to, you know, present ourselves in a certain way that we're being looked at by like an angry teacher. What if we just began to just be, be with God?

I really believe that that would change us, and I really believe that that would then in turn, obviously help us love him back. I love my parents because of what they've done for me. I don't love my parents because I woke up every morning and I said, I [00:23:00] must love my parents. I must love my parents. I must love my parents.

No, that's not normal. You love your parents because what they did for you, because how they raised you, because of how they loved you unconditionally. If I can understand that with my parents, my earthly parents who are sinful, inherently, how much more will I acknowledge that with God when I do acknowledge that with God?

So, yeah, I'm gonna leave it there because I have rambled on a little bit too long and I don't know if Nas is outside. Um, but I probably should. Wrap it up. I was it warm today? Ooh, I haven't been outside. I wouldn't know. Um, I'm done now, but yeah. I love you guys so much. Um, thank you for, I feel like this is kind of like asmr, right?

Like it kind of gave that vibe, but I hope that it helped. Um. Yeah, I really, I really just want us all to just focus on that for a week.

The things that we learn [00:24:00] as we go on this journey to be completely broken down of our flesh and living. In the way that God envisioned us in the new covenant. 'cause I really believe that we're not making the most of it. We're living in the new covenant. Like Jesus is alive. Jesus has risen. And we don't have the excitement for it.

Yeah, we're, we're too sin conscious. We're too stressed, we're too perfectionistic. I nearly didn't get that word right. We're too perfectionistic and we are killing ourselves over it. Genuinely, we are taking away our joy. We are robbing ourselves from the love of God because we are focusing on the wrong things.

Like focusing on sin isn't gonna stop you from sinning. Focusing on the one who heals you from sin is gonna be the one to help you stop sinning like. One thing that I've been telling myself constantly is I'm the [00:25:00] righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Even when I don't feel like it, because right now, like I haven't been able to give you guys much of a life update.

But once I'm able to, I will definitely give you a life update. But I've been struggling so much with myself, my self-esteem at the moment, which is why I, this has been like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding to me, and. I know that whatever it is that you are going through, so many different strongholds of frustrations that we have that already have been broken.

Some of us are living in strongholds. That don't even exist in the presence of God because we are putting those strongholds on ourselves by focusing on the enemy spiritual realm. Why are we focusing on the enemy? We should be focusing on the spiritual realm of the kingdom of God. Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.

You don't seek first your sin, seek it and try to get rid of it because sin has already been conquered. You seek first the kingdom of God where there is no sin and death, [00:26:00] and God will give you all things He will. He will renew your spirit to live a life that is pleasing to him. He does it through you.

You don't try to live a life that's pleasing to him. And that's something that I think we all need encouragement on. But anyways, I love you guys so much. I'm gonna go and get ready and go out. I think I'm gonna do some retail therapy, even though it's payday on Monday, but it'll take care of itself.

Do you know what I mean? Um, anyways, I love you guys so much. Have a blessed week. I don't know when this is gonna go out. But I will see you in the next episode. Bye.